1700. MR THOMAS BOSTON. 101 loveof God and that of ourfelves, differencing aóts ofobedience, and putting thefe things home to my own confcience, I found I defired to be like God, come of me what will. Retiring after fermon to my clofet, the Lord was with me in prayer. And now his kiudnefs made fin appear to me exceeding fnful, and myfelf hateful to myfelf. Reading next day the evangelical Witfius, on glorification, I found my foul raifed to an admiration of the free grace and love of God to man, I thought even to man though he had continued in innocency, there being fuch a vaft difproportion betwixt thehigheft pitch of obedience and the glory that is to be revealed, withal wondering how man fhould be par tanto honori (oneri) ferendo, feeing a neceffity of fupernatural ftrength for earthen veffels their being kept from burfting, while fo filled to the brim : " No man can fee my face, and live." On themorrow, being Saturday, at prayer, my foul (even Chritt . the foul of my foul) made me as the chariots of A.mminadab : he touched my heart with a live coal, and fet it in a flame of love and defires towards him :' fo I wreftled for himfelf. Chrift with any thing would have fatisfied me ; nothing without Chrift could do it.. This kept me above the world, jgd me to a text, fob' xxiii. 3. and helped me to underftand my*fe&ure, John xx. 11. et fegq. for I had no commentary. The temptation above men- tioned, concerning the eventual neceffity or certainty of faints finning, fettingon'me again, I fall got it fhifted, refolving to grip the promife. This I think was well done, in thefe circumftances, Matth. xv. 24, 25. However, fonce time after, I fet myfelf to confider that point, for my own fatisfaótion ; and, according to a bitable and profitable cuftom I then had, in cafes of particular difficulty to me, committed my thoughts thereon to writing : and they are to be found among the Mifcellanies, yueft. 5. Why the Lord fullers fin to remain in the regenerate* ?' The following part of that week, I plied my ftudies, and my frame continued. Only, on the Saturday's night, upon a certain occafion, falling under an uneafy apprehenfion, it fent me feveral times to prayer ; but I endeavoured, not without fome fuccefs,' that it fhould not mar me in my public work, nor in my own foul's eafe ; and to give up the matter to the Lord, feeing and confeffing a certain piece of mifmanagement to be the ,j uft caufe of that diftrefs, whether there was ground for it or not. After- wards, in the event, I found there was none : but often hath God chaftifedmy real faults, by fuch means, laid afide when the deign was obtained. The next day I preached at Lennel the one half of the day, on the .aforementioned text. I thought I would be lhut ; but when I found the wind blow, I thought I would not draw down my fails haftily ; for he made me fay, " It is good to be here." The afternoon I preached at home, finding my body wearied ; but being parted on to morework, I went to God * See above, the note, p. 97. No. 3.
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