~·fr·•· (afes mzd J)ireEliom about intimateJpecial Friendjhip Tit. 6. Cafes and 1JireElions for intimate JPecial Friends. Qjell. I· IS it lawful to have an tarnej! dejire to be Loved by oth<rJ 1 Efp"iJUy by fome one prrfon above aU other l An[w. There is a delire of others Love which is lawful, and there is a delire whkh is un· lawtul. 1. lt is lawful, I• When we detire it as it is their duty, which God himfclf obligerh them to perform, and fo is part of their integrity, and is their own good, and plea[tth God; So Parents mufi de. tire their children to love them, and one another, becaufc it is their duty, and clfe they are unnatural and bad : And Husband and Wife may ddire that each other difcharge that duty of Love which God re– quire~h, ~nd fo may ~11 others. 2. It is lawful al~o t~ defirc for our own fal{_u to be loved byothers; to be tr, 1t be, I· W1th a calm and[uber diftre, whtch ts not eager, peremptory or importunate, nor overvalurth the Love of man : 2• Acco_rding to the proportion of our own worth; not ddiring to be thoughc Greater, IY,~(er or Better lhan mdccd we arc, nor to be loved crroneoufly by an oVervaluing Love. 3· Whtn we ddirc it for the benefits to which it tcndcth, more than to be valued and loved our felvcs; As, r. That we may receive that editic:uion and good from a friend, which Love difpofeth them to communicacc : 2· That we m1y da thJt good to our friends , which Love difpoftth them to receive. 3· That we may honour and plcafe God, who ddighteth in the true Love and Concord of his Children. 11. But the unlawful dclire of others Love to U!, is much more common, and is a fin of a deeper malignicy than is commonly obferved. 1'his defire of love is finful, when it is conrrary to that before dcfclibed: As, I• When we dcfirc it over eagerly: •· When we dcfirc it ftlfijhly and proudly, ro be fet up in the good opinion of others; and not to make a bendlt of it to our felves or them: bt our own Hmour is more ddired in it, than the honour of God. 3· When we ddire to be thought Gr~atcr, iYi[tr or Better than we are, and to be loved with fuch an overvaluing Love ; and .have no dd~rc that the bounds of 'truth and VftfulntJI fhould refir•in and limit that love to us which we affeCt. 4· When it is an erroneous fanciful, cuna1, or lufl:ful efieem of fome one pc:rfon, which maketh us dclire his love more than others. As becaufe he is higher, richer,fairer, &c. This eager d<fire to be over-loved by others, hath in it all theli: aggravations. •· It is th: very fin of Pride, which God hath declared fo great a dereOation of. For Pride is an over.valuing our felves, for Greatnefi, Wifdom or Goodntfs,and a dc!irc to be fo over-valued of others. And he that would be ovtr·loved, would be ovcr·vtJlued. 2· It is ftlfidolizing: when we would be loved as better than We are, we rob God of that Love which men lhould render to him, who can nfvcr be over~loved, and we would filin f<:cm a kind of petty I?eitics to the world, and draw mens eyes and hearts unco our fCJves. When we lhould be jea– lous of Gods intc:rd\ and honour~ ltfi we or any creature Chould have his due, this proud ~.hfpofition makcth people fet up themfelvcs in the dlimation of others, and thc:y fcarce 'are howGood, or JYift they are efl:cemed ; nor how much they arc lifted up in the hearts of others. 3· h is :1n injurious enfn:uing the rQinds of others, and tempting them to erroneous opinions of us, and affections to us; which will be their fin, and may bring them into many inconveniences. It is an mdinary thing to do greater hurt to a friend whom we value, by enli1aring him in an inordinate Love, than tver we did or can do to an enemy by hating him. ~e{l. l· II it lawful, mtel or dtfirable to enttrtain that extraordinary affetrion tu any one , whicT., ii called Jj;ecial friendfl,ip, or to have an endeared intimate frirnd, "«hQm Jre love far abovt t~U others j A11[w. Intimate fpecial friendjhip is a thing that hath been fo much plead<d for by all forts ofmen, and to much Of the frlicity ofmans life hath been placed in it, that it befeemr:rh not me to fpeak againll ir. But yet I think it meet to tell you with what CaHtions and limils it mull be received, lnd how far it is good, and how far finful: (For therC'arc perils here to be avoidc:d, which neither Cictra, nor his Scipis and L.tliiH were: acquainted with). 1. ,. lt is lawful tochoofe fome one well qualified perfon, who is fittefi fortbat ufe, and to make him the chief comp1nion of our lives; our chiefefi counfiDor and comforter, and to confine our intima– cy and convr:rfe to him in a fpecial manner abaTe all orhers. 2· And it is !awful ro love him not on· ly according to his perfonal worth, bur according to his fpecial fuirablenefs to u~, and to defire his fe– licity accordingly, and to exercift our love to him more frequtnt/y •n4 fenfibly ( becaufe of his nmnefs and prefencc) than towards fome bccter men that are further off. ~ ThC Reafons of fuch an intimate fricndfuip arc thcfe, I· No man is fufficient for himfclf, and therefore Nacure teacht:th him to iltfire an helper. And there is fo wonderful a divcrfity of tempera– ments and conditions, and fo great a difpariry and incongruity among good and wife men, towards each orhcr that one that is more fuitablc and c"ongruous to us than all tht refi, may on that account be much preferred. 2· It is nor many that c1n be fo near us as.to be ordinary ht:lpers to us : And a wifer man at a difh ncc or out ofreach, may be lefs ufeful to us, than one of inffriour worth at hand. 3· The
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