Why Lo11e muft be. reftrai~~ed e11en towards good mm. Howtochoofe a:Prime/. 183 hi<nd could nN folio~ him. And fo it hath feemed hi~ duty to look with firangenefs, contempt ur pity on h1s ancient fnend, as one that IS dark, and low, 1f not fuppofed an advtrfary to the rrurh, bccoufe he efpoufeth not all his mif-conceits. Another is fuddenly lifted up with fome preferment, dignity and 'uccefs, and fo is taken with higher things and higher converrt:, and thinks ir is very fair, eo give an embrace to his ancient friend, for what he once was to him, inllead of continuing fuch cn– dearcdnefs. Anvthcr hath changed his place and company, and fo by degrees grown very indifferent ·to his ancient friend, when he is out of tight, and convcrfe ccafeth. Another h:uh himfclf chofcn his friend amifs, in his untxpcricnccd youth, or in a penury of wife and good men, fuppofing hini much better than he was : and afterward hath had experience Of mauy perfons of far greater wifdom, -piety and fidelity , whom therefore reafon commanded him to prefer. All thefc are ordinary diflo:vm of theft bonds of intimatond fpeeial friend!hip. · A'Pid if your Love continue as hot as ever, its cx~cfs is like to be your exceffive !Orrow. For 1 • You · will be the more grieved at every futf<ring of your friend, as fic~nefs, lolfcs, croffcs, &c. whereof fo man)' attend mankind, as is like ro make your burden great. 2. Upon evny removal, his abfcnce wilt be rhe more uoublcfome to you. ,. All inE:ongruities and fallings out will be the more p~inful to you, cfpedally his jea\oufies, difcontents :md p1flions, which you cannot command•. 4· His de:uh, if he die before you will be the more grievous, and your own the more unwe!lcome, becaufe you mun part withhim. ThcfeaOd abundance of fore aftliGtions are the ordinary frui!S of too ll:rong :dltctions: And it is no rare thingfor the bef\:6f Gods fcrvants to profefs, that their fufferingsfrom thtir friends who have over-loved them, have been·cen timesgreau:r than from.all the cncmits that ever they had in the world. And to thofe that are waverir.g about this cafe, Whether only a common fricndiOip with al! men 2ccording to their various worth, or a bofome intimacy with fame one man, be more defirable, I {hall premife a free confeffionof my own cafe, whatever ccnfurcs for it I incur, WheU I was firlt: awakened to the regard of things fpiritual and etCrflll ; I was exceedingly inclined to a v'eh-crnent Love to thofe that I thought the rnofl: ftrious S1ints, and cfpecially to that intimacy with fame one, which is called Frimdjhip. By which I found extrordinary bcnctir, and it became a fpecial mercy to my foul. But it was by more than one or two of the fore-mentioned wayes, that the fhict bond of extraordinary hicndfhip hath been relaxed, and my own exceffive cficc,m of my mofi intimate friends confuted. And fincc then I have learned, to love all men according to their real worth,-and to let out my love more exrcnGvely and without refpecr of pcrfons, acknowledging all that is good in ail; But with adouble Loveand honour to the excellently wife and good: and to v.due men more for their publick ufefulncfs, than for their private fuitablencfs to me; and yet to value the or~ dinary convufe of one or a few fuitable friends, before 3. more pubHck and tumultuary lift:, except when God is publickly WorO>ipped, or when publick fervice inviteth me to derly the quiet of a pri– vatt life; And though I more difference betweenman and man than ever, i: do it not upon fo flight and infufficient grounds ~sin the time of my uncxperien,cd credulity : nor ao I exptCt to find anf without the defects, and blots and failings of infirm, imperfect, mutable man. Q!<:fi, lO· What q~<alificatioHJ Jhould Direll U< in the clfoice of a{pecial bofome f~iend. ~eft. ro. Anfw. 1. He mufi be one that is fincere and jingle het~rttcl, and not given ro a'ffcChtion, or any thing that is much forced in his deportment: plain, and ·open 'heartcd to you, add not adaieted to a bidinJ!,, fra;,duleHI, or referved carriage. 2. He mufi be one that is of a fuitablc tem'Per and difpofition; I mC'an not guilty of "3.11 your own infirmities, but not guilty of a crofncfs or contrariety of difpofition. ~s if one be in love with ph.innefs of Apparcl 1 and frugality in dyet and courfeof life, and the other be guilty of curiotiry, and oflentation and prodigality; lf one be for few word.s and the other for many ; If one be for Labour, and the other for Idleners, and frfqomt interruptions; If ont be for ferving the humours of men, and the other for a contc.mpt of humane ccnfure, in the way of certain duty ; thcfe difparities make rhem unfit for thL< fort of bofome friend!hip. 3· He mufi not be a fiave to any vice: For that which,maketh him fulfeto God1 and to betray his own foul, may make him falfe to man, and to betray his friend. 4· He mufi not bea felfijh ptr[on ; that is, corruptly and partially for himfclf, and for his •wn Car– nal mds and inttrrft. For fuc.:h a one hath no true love to others, but when you fcero crofs to his Ow·1 intmll, his pleafure, wealth, or honour he will forfake you : t'or fo he doth by God him. felf. . 5• He mufi bi Humbl~,and not notably proud. f'dr Pride \)I ill make him quarrelfome, difdainful, irr.patient, and quite unfuitab\e to a humble perfon. . · : 6. He mufi be one that's thrcughly and refolvedly Go~ly : For you w11l hardly well c~nter any where but in God; nor will he be ufeful to all the ends ol fliendlhip, if he be not one that Loveth God, and holy things, and is of a pious converfarion: Nor can you exp<cr ihat he that is falfc to God, and will fell his pm in him for the pleafure or gain of fin, fhould long prove truly f•ithful unto 1ou. • ?· He mufi be one that;s judicious in Religion, that is, not of an erhmcous heretical wit; nor ignorant of thofe great and excellent Truths , which yoU rhould oft confer about ; But rather one that exccllcth yOu in folid underfianding, and true judgement, anti adifcerning h'ead, that can teach you fomewhat which you know not ; and is not additl:td, to coirupt you with falfe opinions of his own. Aaaaaaaa ~ 8. He
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