420 DIRECTIONS FOR GETTING AND KEEPING that he had not sinned. You cannot weep for sin, but you would give all that you have to be rid ofsin; you could wish, when you dishonored God by sin, that you had spent that time in suffering rather; and if it were to do again on the same terms and induce- ments, you would not do it ; nay, you would live a beggar con- tentedly, so you might fully please God, and never sin against him; and are content to pinch your flesh, and deny your worldly interest for the time to come, rather than willfully disobey. This is a truly tender heart. Ori the other side, another can weep to think of his sin; andyet ifyou should ask him, Whatwóuldst thou give, or what wouldst thou suffer, so thou hadst not sinned, or that thou mightest sin no more? Alas ! very little. For the next time that he is put to it, he will rather venture on the sin, than venture on a little loss, or danger, or disgrace in the world, or deny his craving flesh its pleasures. This is a hard,hearted sinner. The more you would part with to be rid of sin, or the greatest cost you would be at for that end, the more repentance have you, and true tenderness ofheart. Alas ! if men should go to heaven according to their weeping, what abundance of . children and women would be there for one man ! I will speak truly my own case. This doubt lay heavy many a year on my own soul, when yet I would have given all that I had to be rid of sin, but I could not weep a tear for it. Nor could I weep for the death of my dearest friends, when yet I would have bought their lives, had it been God's will,; at a dearer rate than many that could weep for them ten times as much. And now, since my nature is decayed, and my body lan- guished in consuming weakness, and my head more moistened, and my veins filled w,ith phlegmatic, watery blood, now I can weep ; and I find never the, more tender-heartedness in myself thanbefore. And yet to this day so much remains of my old disposition, that I could wring all the money out of my purse, easier than one tear out of my eyes to save a friend, or rescue them from evil; when I see divers that can weep for a dead friend, that would havebeen at no great cost to save their lives. 5. Besides, as Dr. Sibbs saith, "There is oft sorrow for sin in us, when it doth not appear; it wahteth but some quickening word to set it a foot." It is the na- ture of grief to break out into tears most, when sorrow hath some vent, either whenwe use some expostulating, aggravating terms with ourselves, or when we are opening our hearts and case to a friend ; then sorrow will often show itself that did not before. 6. Yet do I not deny, but that our want of tears, and tender affections, and heart-meltings, are our sins. For my part, I can see exceed- ing cause to bewail it greatly in myself, that my soul is not raised to a higher pitch of tender sensibility of all spiritual things than it is. I doubt not but it should be the matter of our daily confession
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy OTcyMjk=