CONFIRMED CHRISTIAN. 515 image ofgodliness which he yetretaineth. The conceit of his own sincerity and salvation, is that which deludeth and undoeth him. What sin would not gain or pleasure draw him to commit, if he were but sure to be forgiven ? It is fear of hell that causeth that seeming religion which he bath ; and therefore, if that fear be gone, all is gone, and all his piety, and diligence, and righteousness, is cometo nought; Gal. vi. 3. John viii. 39. 42. 44. XXVI. 1. For all his assurance, a confirmed Christian is so well acquainted with his manifold imperfections, and daily failings, and great unworthiness, that he is. very low andvile in hismyvn eyes ; and, therefore, can easily endure to be low and vile in the eyes of others. He hath a constant sense ofthe burdenof his remaining sin ; especially he doth even abhor himself, when he findeth the averse- ness.of his own heart to God, and how little he knoweth ofhim, and how little he loveth him, in comparison of what. he . ought ; and how little of heaven is upon his heart, and how strange and back- ward his thoughts are to the life to come. These are as fetters upon his soul. He daily gróáneth under them as a captive, that he should be yet so carnal, and unable to shake off the remnant of his infirmities, as ifhe, were sold under sin ; that is, in bondage to it; Rom. vii. 14. He hateth himself more for the imperfec- tions of his love and obedience to God, than hypocrites do for their reigning sin. And O, how he longeth for the day of his deliver- ance I Rom. vii. 24. He thinketh it no great injury for another to judge of him as he judgeth ofhimself, even to be less than the least of all God's mercies. He is more troubled for being over-praised and 'over-valued, than for being dispraised and vilified; as thinking those that praise him are moremistaken, and lay the more danger- ous snare for his soul. For he hath a. special antipathy to pride, and wondereth that any. 'rational man can be so blind as not to see enough to humble' him. For his own part, (in the midst of all God's graces,) he seeth in himself somuch darkness; imperfection, corruption, and want of further grace, that be is loathsome and burdensomecontinually tohimself. Ifyou see him sad, or troubled, and ask him thecause, it is ten to one but it is himself he complain- eth of. The frowardest wife, the most undutiful child, the most disobedient servant, the most injurious neighbor, the most malicious enemy, is not half so great a trouble to him as he is to himself. He prayeth abundantly more against his own corruption, than against any of these. O, could he but know and love God more, and be more in heaven, and willinger to die, and freer from his own distempers, how easily could he bear all crosses, or injuries from others ! He came to Christ's school as a little child, (Matt. xviii. 3.) and still he is little in his own esteem; and, therefore, disesteem and contempt from others is no great matte* with him.
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy OTcyMjk=