BAXTER'S DYING THOUGHTS. 129 the living, the life ofholiness in saints, and the life of glory in the blessed. In this infinite love it is that I, and all the saints, shall dwell for evermore. And if I dwell in love, and love in me, sure- ly I shall have its sweet and plenteous communication, and shall everdrink of the rivers of pleasure. It is pleasant to nature to be beloved of others, especially of the great, and wise, and good ; much more to have all the communications of love, in converse and gifts, in plenty and continuance, which may be still expressing it to our greatest benefit ! Had I a friend.now, that did for me but the hundredth part of what God doth, how dearly should I love him ! Think, then, think believingly, seriously, constantly, O my soul, what a life thou shalt live forever in the presence, the face, the bosom of infinite, eternal love. He now shineth on me by the sun, and on my soul by the sun of righteousness; but it is as through a lantern, or the crevices of my darksome habitation ; but then he will shine on me, and in me, openly, and with the fullest streams and beams of love. God is the same God in heaven and earth, but I shall not be the same man. Here I receive comparatively little, but live in darkness, doubtful and frequent sorrows, because my receptivity is less ; the windows of my soul are not open to his light ; sin bath raised clouds, and consequently storms, against my comforts ; the entrances to my soul by the straits of flesh and sense are nar- row; and they are made narrower by sin than they were by na- ture. Alas, how gften would love have spoken comfortablyto me, and I was not at home to be spoken with, but was abroad among a world of vanities, or was not at leisure, or was asleep, and not willing to be awaked ! How oft would Iove have come in and dwelt with me, and I have unkindly shut my doors against him ! How oft would he have been with me in secret, where he freely would embrace me, but I had some pleasing company or business which I was loath toleave ! Howoft would he have feastedme, and had made all ready, but I was taken up and could not come ! Nay, when his table bath been spread before me, Christ, grace, and glory, have been offered to me, my appetite bath been gone, or dull, and all bath been almost neglected by me, and bath scarce seemed pleasant enough to be accepted, or to call off my mind from luscious poison. How oft would he have shined upon me, and I haveshut my windowsor mine eyes ! He was jealous indeed, and liked not a partner: he would have been all to me, if I would have been all for him. But I divided my heart, my thoughts, my love, my desires, and my kindnesses ; and, alas, how much did go besides him, yea, against him, to his enemies, even when I knew that all was lost, and worse than lost, which was not his! What wonder, then, if so foolish and unkind a sinner had little pleasure VOL. II. 17 N 1
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy OTcyMjk=