I74 BAXTER'S DYING THOUGHTS. Surely the fear of dying intimateth some contrary love that inclin- eth the soul another way ; and some shameful unbelief, and great unapprehensiveness of the attractive glory of the world of love; otherwise no frozen person so longeth.for the fire, none in a dun- geon so desireth light, as we should long for the heavenly light and love. God's infinite, essential self-love, in which he is eternally de- lighted in himself, is the most amiable object, and heaven itself to saints and angels; and next to that his love to all his works, to the world, and to the çhurch in heaven, speaketh much more of his loveliness than his love to me. But yet due self-love in me is his work, and part of his natural image ; and when this by sin is grown up to excess, (through the withdrawing of a contracted, narrow soul, from the union and due love to my fellow -creatures, and to God,) I must also, I cannot but, inquire after God's love to me; and by this my desires must be moved; for I am not so capable of ascending above self-interest, and".self-lové, as in the state of glorious union I shall be. I am glad to perceive that others do love God and I love- those most that I find most love him; but it is not other men's love to Gód that will be accepted by him instead of mine ; nor is it God's love to others (which yet rejoiceth me) that will satisfy me, without his love to me. But when all these, are still before me, God's essential self-love and delight, his love to his creatures, especially the glorified, and his love to the also, even to me, a vile, unworthy sinner; what, then, should stay my ascending love, or discourage my desires to be with God? And dost thou doubt, canst thou doubt, O my soul, whether thou art going to a God that loveth thee ? If the Jews discerned the great lqve of Christ to Lazarus by his tears, canst thou not discern his love to thee in his blood? It is, nevertheless, but the more obliging and amiable that it was not shed for thee alóne, but for many. May I not say as Paul, (Gal. ii., 20.) " I live by the faith of the Son of God, that bath loved me, and given himself for me." . Yea, it is not so much I that live, as Christ liveth in me ; and will he forsake thehabitation which his love bath chosen, and which he bath so . dearly bought? 0, read often that tri- umphing chapter, Rom. viii., and conclude, "What shall separate us from the love of God ? " If life have not done it, -death shall not do it. If leaning on his breast at meat was a token ofChrist's special love to John, is not his dwelling in me by my faith, and his living in me by his Spirit, a sure token of his love to me ? And if ,a dark saying, " If he tarry till I come, what is that to thee ? " raised a report that the beloved disciple should not die, whyshould not plain promises assure me that I shall live with him that loveth
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