56 BAXTER'S. DYING THOUGHTS. and stronger faith ? I believe ; Lord, help myunbelief ! I have many a thousand times groaned to thee under the burden of this remnant of darkness and unbelief; I have many a thousand times thought of theevidences of the Christian verity, andofthe greatne- cessity of a lively, powerful, active faith I have begged it ; I have cried to thee night and day, Lord, increase my faith! I have writ- ten and spoken pat to others which mightbe most useful to myself, to raise the apprehensionsof faith yet higher, and make them liker those of sense ; but yet, yet, Lord, howdark is this world ! . What a dungeon is this flesh ! How little clearer is my sight, and little quicker are my perceptions, of unseen things, than long ago ! Am I at the highest that man on earth canreach, and that,when I am so dark and low ? Is there no growth of these apprehensions more to be expected ? Doth the soul cease its increase in vigorous percep- tion, when the hody ceaseth its increase, or vigor, of sensation ? Must I sit down in so low a measure, while I am drawing nearer to the things,believed, and am almost there, where belief most pass in- to sight and love ? Or, must I take up with the passive silence and inactivity, which some friars persuade us is nearer to perfection; and, under pretense of annihilation and let my sluggish heart alone, and say, that in this neglect I wait for thy operations? O let nota soul, that is driven from this world, and weary of vani- ty, and can think of little else but immortality, that seeks and cries both night and day for the heavenly light, and fain would have some foretaste of glory, and some more of the first-fruits of the promised joys, let not such a soul either long, or cry, or strive in vain ! . Punish not my former grieving of thy Spirit, by deserting a soul that crieth for thy grace, so near its great and inconceivable change. Let me not languish in vain desires at the door of hope ; nor pass with doubtful thoughts and fears from this vale of misery. Which should be the season of triumphant faith, and hope, and joy, if not when I am entering on the world of joy ? O thou that hast left us so many consolatory words of promise, that our joy may be full, send, O ! send ,the promised Comforter, without whose approaches and heavenly beams, when all is said, and a thousand thoughts and strivings have been essayed, it will still be night and winter with the soul. But have I not expected more particular and more sensitive conceptions of heaven,and the state of blessed souls, than I should have done, and remained less satisfied, because I expected such distinct perceptions to my satisfaction, which God doth not ordina- rily give to souls in flesh ? I fear it hath been too much so ; a distrust of God, and a distrustful desire to know much (good and evil) for ourselves, as necessary to our quiet and satisfaction, was that sin which hath deeply corrupted man's nature, and is more of
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