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The

.L

IF

E

of

the

L

1'B.

I

By

which

means my

AffeElion

was

carried on

with

my

Judgment:

And by

that

.

means I profecuted

all

my Studies

with

unweariednefs and delight

t

And by that

means all

that I

read

did

flick

the better in my memory

:

and

alfo

lefs

of

my

time

was loft

by lazy intermiflìons

:

(but

my bodily Infirmities always caufed me

to

tole

( or

fpend

)

much

of

it in

Motion and CorporalExercifes; which

was

fine-

ti

nes by Walking, and fometimes at the

Plow,

and

fach Country Labours).

But one

lofs

1

had by

this

Method, which hath

proved irreparable ;

That

Imitt

that part

of

Learning which

flood

at

the greateft diftance ( in my thoughts) from

my Ultimate End,(though

no

doubt but remotely it

may be avaluable means),

and

I

could never

line

find

time to get

ft. Betides

the Latin Tongue, and but

a me-

diocrity

in

Greek ( with an inconliderable trial

at

the Hebrew long after

)

I had

no great

skill

in

Languages

:

Though I

faw that an accuratenefs

and thorow in-

fight in the

Greek

and Hebrew were very defirable

;

but

I

was

fo eagerly

carried

after the Knowledge

of

Things,

that I

too much negledted the

Rudy

of

Words.

And for

the

Matbematicks,

1

was

an utter ftranger to them,

and never could

find

in

my heart to divert

any Studies

that

way. But

in order to

the Knowledge

of

Divinity

treat

inclination

was

molt to

gcmy

felf at

fir

i

with

with that

(lighter

tudyPof

hewrleßh

And

thefe had

my

Labour

and

Delight.

Which

occaftoned

me

(

perhaps too foon

)

to plunge my

felf very early

into the fludy of

Controverfres;

and

to

read

all

the

School-

men I

could

get

;

(

for

next

PraElical

Divinity,

no

Books

fo fuited

with my

Difpofition

as Aquino",

Scotus,

Durandus, Ockam,

and their

Difciples;

becaufe

I

thought they narrowly

fearched after

Truth,

and brought Things

out

of

the dark

-

nefs

of

Confufion

:

For

I could

never from my firft

Studies

endure

Conf

fon:

Till'

Equivocal.;

were

explained,

and

Definition

and Difíinûion led

the way,

I

had

rather

hold my

Tongue than

fpeakl

and

was

never more weary

of

Learned Mens Dif-

courfes,

than

when

I

heard them long wrangling about unexpounded Words or

Things,

andeagerly Difputing before

they underftood

each others

Minds;

and

ve-

hemently afferting

Modes

and

Confequences

and

Adjunfls, before

they

confidered

of

the

Quod

ft,

the

Quid fir,

or the

Quotuplex.

I never thought I underftood any

thing

till

I

could

anatomize

it,

and

fee

the

parts diflinïtly,

and the

ConjunEtion

of

the

parts

as

they

make

up

the whole.

Difiinstion

and

Method

feemed

to

nie

of that

ne-

ceflity, that

without them

I

could

not

be

laid

toknow

;

and the Difputes

which

forfook

them, or

abufed

them,

feem

but

as

incoherent

Dreams.

§

6.

And

as

for

thofe Doubts

of

my own Salvation

,

which

exercifed me many

years, the

chiefeft Caufes

of

themwere theft

r.

Becaufe

I

could not diftinéìly trace the Workings

of

the Spirit

upon myheart

in that method which Mr.

Bolton,

Mr.

Hooker,

Mr.

Rogers,

and other Divines de-

fèribe

!

nor

knew

the Time of

my Converfion, being wrought on

by

the

fore

-

mentioned

Degrees. But

fence

then I

underftood

that

the

Soul

is

in too dark and

pa(lionate

a

plight

at

firft,

to

be able

to

keep an exatft

account

of

the order

of

its

own Operations

;

and that

preparatory

Grace

being fometimes longer and fometimes

Ikorrer, and

the

firft

degree

of

Special

Grace being

ufually

very

fmall,

it

'is

not

polhble that one

of

very many

Ihould

be able to give any

true account of the

jolt

Time

when

Special

Grace began, and

advanced him above

the

flare

of

Prepara-

tion,

z. My

fecond

Doubt

was

as

aforefaid, becaufe

of

the

bardneßof

my

beart,or

want

of

fuch

lively Apprebenfons

of

Things Spiritual,

Whit

I

had about

Things Corpo-

ral. And

though I

fä11

groan under

this

as

my

fin

and

want

,

yet I

now perceive

that

a Soul

in Flefh

doth work

fo

much after the manner of the

Flefh,

that it

much defireth

fenfible

Apprehenfions; but Things

Spiritual

and

Diflant are

not

apt to work upon

them,

and to

ttir

the Paffions,

as

Things prefent

and

fenfible

are

;

efpecially being

known

fo

darkly

as

the

Bate and

operations

of

feparated

Souls,,

are known to

us

who are in

the

Body

:

And that the Rational Operations

of

the higher Faculties

(

the Intelle&and

Will)

may without

fo

much paillon,

fet

God and

Things

Spiritual

higheft within

us, and give

them the preheminence,

and

fubjedl

all

Carnal Intereit to them,

and

give them

the

Government

of

the

Heart

and Life

:

and

that

this

is

the

ordinary Bate

of

a Believer.

;.

My

next Doubt

was,

left

Education

and

Fear

had done

all

that

ever was

done

Conviâi

and

and.

Love

were

found more

Fear

than

Love

in

all

my

found

and

Ref[rainto.

But