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The
.L
IF
E
of
the
L
1'B.
I
By
which
means my
AffeElion
was
carried on
with
my
Judgment:
And by
that
.
means I profecuted
all
my Studies
with
unweariednefs and delight
t
And by that
means all
that I
read
did
flick
the better in my memory
:
and
alfo
lefs
of
my
time
was loft
by lazy intermiflìons
:
(but
my bodily Infirmities always caufed me
to
tole
( or
fpend
)
much
of
it in
Motion and CorporalExercifes; which
was
fine-
ti
nes by Walking, and fometimes at the
Plow,
and
fach Country Labours).
But one
lofs
1
had by
this
Method, which hath
proved irreparable ;
That
Imitt
that part
of
Learning which
flood
at
the greateft diftance ( in my thoughts) from
my Ultimate End,(though
no
doubt but remotely it
may be avaluable means),
and
I
could never
line
find
time to get
ft. Betides
the Latin Tongue, and but
a me-
diocrity
in
Greek ( with an inconliderable trial
at
the Hebrew long after
)
I had
no great
skill
in
Languages
:
Though I
faw that an accuratenefs
and thorow in-
fight in the
Greek
and Hebrew were very defirable
;
but
I
was
fo eagerly
carried
after the Knowledge
of
Things,
that I
too much negledted the
Rudy
of
Words.
And for
the
Matbematicks,
1
was
an utter ftranger to them,
and never could
find
in
my heart to divert
any Studies
that
way. But
in order to
the Knowledge
of
Divinity
treat
inclination
was
molt to
gcmy
felf at
fir
i
with
with that
(lighter
tudyPof
hewrleßh
And
thefe had
my
Labour
and
Delight.
Which
occaftoned
me
(
perhaps too foon
)
to plunge my
felf very early
into the fludy of
Controverfres;
and
to
read
all
the
School-
men I
could
get
;
(
for
next
PraElical
Divinity,
no
Books
fo fuited
with my
Difpofition
as Aquino",
Scotus,
Durandus, Ockam,
and their
Difciples;
becaufe
I
thought they narrowly
fearched after
Truth,
and brought Things
out
of
the dark
-
nefs
of
Confufion
:
For
I could
never from my firft
Studies
endure
Conf
fon:
Till'
Equivocal.;
were
explained,
and
Definition
and Difíinûion led
the way,
I
had
rather
hold my
Tongue than
fpeakl
and
was
never more weary
of
Learned Mens Dif-
courfes,
than
when
I
heard them long wrangling about unexpounded Words or
Things,
andeagerly Difputing before
they underftood
each others
Minds;
and
ve-
hemently afferting
Modes
and
Confequences
and
Adjunfls, before
they
confidered
of
the
Quod
ft,
the
Quid fir,
or the
Quotuplex.
I never thought I underftood any
thing
till
I
could
anatomize
it,
and
fee
the
parts diflinïtly,
and the
ConjunEtion
of
the
parts
as
they
make
up
the whole.
Difiinstion
and
Method
feemed
to
nie
of that
ne-
ceflity, that
without them
I
could
not
be
laid
toknow
;
and the Difputes
which
forfook
them, or
abufed
them,
feem
but
as
incoherent
Dreams.
§
6.
And
as
for
thofe Doubts
of
my own Salvation
,
which
exercifed me many
years, the
chiefeft Caufes
of
themwere theft
r.
Becaufe
I
could not diftinéìly trace the Workings
of
the Spirit
upon myheart
in that method which Mr.
Bolton,
Mr.
Hooker,
Mr.
Rogers,
and other Divines de-
fèribe
!
nor
knew
the Time of
my Converfion, being wrought on
by
the
fore
-
mentioned
Degrees. But
fence
then I
underftood
that
the
Soul
is
in too dark and
pa(lionate
a
plight
at
firft,
to
be able
to
keep an exatft
account
of
the order
of
its
own Operations
;
and that
preparatory
Grace
being fometimes longer and fometimes
Ikorrer, and
the
firft
degree
of
Special
Grace being
ufually
very
fmall,
it
'is
not
polhble that one
of
very many
Ihould
be able to give any
true account of the
jolt
Time
when
Special
Grace began, and
advanced him above
the
flare
of
Prepara-
tion,
z. My
fecond
Doubt
was
as
aforefaid, becaufe
of
the
bardneßof
my
beart,or
want
of
fuch
lively Apprebenfons
of
Things Spiritual,
Whit
I
had about
Things Corpo-
ral. And
though I
fä11
groan under
this
as
my
fin
and
want
,
yet I
now perceive
that
a Soul
in Flefh
doth work
fo
much after the manner of the
Flefh,
that it
much defireth
fenfible
Apprehenfions; but Things
Spiritual
and
Diflant are
not
fò
apt to work upon
them,
and to
ttir
the Paffions,
as
Things prefent
and
fenfible
are
;
efpecially being
known
fo
darkly
as
the
Bate and
operations
of
feparated
Souls,,
are known to
us
who are in
the
Body
:
And that the Rational Operations
of
the higher Faculties
(
the Intelle&and
Will)
may without
fo
much paillon,
fet
God and
Things
Spiritual
higheft within
us, and give
them the preheminence,
and
fubjedl
all
Carnal Intereit to them,
and
give them
the
Government
of
the
Heart
and Life
:
and
that
this
is
the
ordinary Bate
of
a Believer.
;.
My
next Doubt
was,
left
Education
and
Fear
had done
all
that
ever was
done
Conviâi
and
and.
Love
were
found more
Fear
than
Love
in
all
my
found
and
Ref[rainto.
But