52 APPENDIX Numb. III. ' way it was a Fight with Temptations, as often is declared ; yet his Light plainly evincing the evil of Saints dividing upon the account of Baptifm, although it ` fkould Rand good, Baptifm ,Ihould belong ohly''to Believers : And as I conceive ` thofe Temptations. partly occafioned by .Friends, who out of their Love would charge him to take heed, for Tome Root of Bitternefsor other was the Groundof `thereThoughts, and fome Carnal 'end he had, and was weary of Chrift'sYoke, ` and the Woes to Backfliders would be his Portion, &r. and that never any owned thefePrinciples that forfook them,but theybecame fadObje&s ofGod'sDifpleafure; ` Satan fitting in when there did occafion great Diftrefs, and Searchings ofHeart, tmany Fears, Prayers, and Tears, fore Temptations that he was not fincere, ` whichwas heightened by one Thought that he had efpied its his Heart when he ` was atnidft thefe thoughts ; namely, that to break the Neck of thofè lirait Prin- ` ciples which wouldnot permit any toMarry butto thofe in their Own way,would be a Freedom in refpeetofhis Daughters in their Marriages (who arebut nowTen ' and Eleven Years of Age) the Fears leafs the havingof this in his Thoughts fhould ' in anfwer to this, argue the Predominancy of the intereft of the Flefh, bath filled bú ` Soul with great diftreß which I declare to you as a fpiritaal Phyfcian, that you may a know the whole Cafe. After feeking God, a little help was attained in this : and a he received fomeTeftimony of Confcience that this Thought was not the :no- ' ving Caufe of his change of Mind, or any predominant end, only an after ` Thought which had Tome encouragement in it. When this Temptation was ` over, then as bitter Fears about apoitacy, all thole Texts teeming so apply them- ' felves, to him as fpeaks of an evil Heart of unbelief in departing fromGod, of ` being raft out as a withered Branch; and there, attended with Tears, and wound- ' ings of Spirit : If he did ceafe from drawing up his Arguments, then he fbaald have ` cafe; but the Light of them was fo prefling upon his Mind, that he couldnot `forbear: This bath been his Life for thefe Eight or Nine Months, havingdecla- ' red his Arguments, the People to whom he is Elder, they growoffended and di- ' fturbed ; if he have any thought of returning to Mr. Goodwin's Church again, ` then nothing but Horror and as it were a flaming Sword in bu Spirit : is not that a Ground that he ought not return thither ? He finds molt eafe in his tender and ` fairIntreaties of the People he is now with, to keep them fromSeparating to the ' further prejudice of their Souls : Having a little eat, about the Fear of Apofta- ' cy, by finding by Experience that his Soul never went out iii filch Prong Delires ` and high Praifings of Jefus Chrift, and earneft Delires toferve him in his Gofpel, and having in this time more abundantly than ever found hisSoul emptied offèlf- ` cfleem, and fenceof his need of Chrift's Nourifhing and Cherifhing. After this, the next Temptation which now he wreftles with is, bard Thoughts of God, asifhe ` were hard, not eafy to be intreated, é e. Thefe foreTemptations hathmadehim ' ready to fainr, laying fometimes, O that he were fetled in his former Thoughts ` againit Infant Baptifm, and could prabtice with a good Condene, as he had done the other, to this k's fuggeffed, no now it fhall be hid from him, he received not the Truth in the Love of it, &c. and Heb. 12. 17. made :aft of to wound him ` that he obtained not the Blef ling though he fought it carefully with Tears : Thefe Thoughts occafioned ftrong Cryes, and Tears, and great Diftrefs of Soul. Yee ' Sir, take notice that all thiswhile his nowArguments toOne Communion with all ' Saints, as Saints, are never queltioned in his Judgment, but all admitted to him; ' nay, all that have fees them, who are diversof the Re-baptifm, have not any of ` them as offered any thing to deteht them, but conn'arywifei they have had ` their force in the Minds of fome. Now, dear Sir, Ihope youunderftand my Scriblings, the endofall is to intreat ' your help as one that Chrift bath fet in his Church for the edifying and eftablifh ' ing of his Members ; judging you faithful, and one of a Thoufand inexperience, I have taken theboldnefs to intreat your Anfwer co the following Particulars. 1. Whether God dethufe to leave any of bú Servants to filch bitter Temptations when they are about a Service acceptable to him ? If fo, what his Ends may be in it? í. Whether thefe Diftreffes of Spirit can be any Demonftration that his former ` Practices and Principlesabout reftrainingCommunion to after Baptifm, nor more 'plcafing to God's Spirit, which hath feemed to be proved, and fo Dependant: ` Thefe lacier Arguments about largenefs in that kind. . Whether con Miming hisformer Relation to Mr: Goodwin's Congregation, ' from whom he withdrew upon the Thought he hadof unlawfulnefs tocommuni- ` care withunbaptifedPerfons, which now he fees the Vanity of, it be not now his Duty to return thither, and if fo, then r. What fhould be the Reafon that his Confcience,
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