262 CONTEMPLATION [Chap. 16. things ever were ! and what, then, will the full enjoyment be ! " What a beauty is there here in the imperfect graces of the Spirit ! Alas ! how small are these to what we shall en- joy in our perfect state ! What a happy life should I here live, could I but love God as much as I would ; could I be all love, and always loving ! O my soul, what wouldst thou give for such a life ? Had I such apprehensions of God, such knowledge of his word as I desire ; could I fully trust him in all my straits ; could I be as lively as I would in every duty ; could I make God my constant desire and de- light ; I would not envy the world their honors or pleasures. What a blessed state, O my soul ! wilt thou shortly be in, when thou shalt have far more of these than thou canst now desire, and shalt exercise thy perfected graces in the immediate vision of God, and not in the dark, and at a dis- tance, as now ! " Is the sinning, afflicted, persecuted church of Christ, so much more excellent than any particular gracious soul ? What, then, will the church be, when it is fully gathered and glorified ; when it is ascended from the valley of tears to Mount Sion ; when it shall sin and suffer no more ! The glory of the Old Jerusalemwill be darkness and deformity to the gloryof the New. What cause shall we have, then, to shout for joy, when we shall see how glorious the heavenly temple is, and remember the meanness of the churchon earth ! 12. " But, alas! what a loss am I at in the midst of my contemplations ! I thought my heart had all the while at- tended, but I see it hath not. What life is there in empty thoughts and words, without affections? Neither God, nor I, findpleasure in them. Wherehast thou been, unworthy heart, while I was opening to thee the everlasting treasures ? Art thou not ashamed to complain so much of an uncomfortable life, and to murmur at God for filling thee with sorrows; when he in vain offers thee the delights of angels ? Hadst thounow but followed me close, it would have made thee revive, and leap for joy, and forget thy pains and sorrows. Did I think my heart had been so backward to rejoice? 13. " Lord, thou hast reserved my perfect joys for hea- ven ; therefore, help me to desire till I may possess, and let me long when I cannot, as I would, rejoice. O my soul, thou knowest, to thy sorro, that thou art not yet at thy
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