94. MEMOIRS or PERIOD VII. explaininga queftion fermon-wile, to catechifing, as more fit to profit the people : , and to this I had been determined after Peek- ing a difcovery of the Lord's mind therein. The public work be- ing over, mÿ heart was difcouraged ; fome impreflii:ons of yefter- night',s trouble remained. 1 was grieved at this,, laid, Why art thou cart down, O my foul ? It was anfwered, Becauíe I have not affurance ofGod's love. I thought I had the teftimony of confcience, but can never get the tettimony of the Spirit to put me quite out of doubt. I went to prayer, converfed with God ; it was wondrous in mine eyes ; my morning averfenefs wasover- come. I was humbled ,before the Lord, and would fain have been quit of an unbelieving heart. I pleaded the promife, " He " that loveth me, I will manifeft myíelf to him." But I feared my love was not of the right fort, upon that very ground that I fufpe&ed Chrift manifests himfelf to his own otherwife than he has done to me. I put the queftion to rnyfelf, How fhall I know whether Chrift has manifetted himfelf to me as to his own or not? Anf. to this purpofe, All have not alike manifeftations of him ; he takes three only of the difc:iples up into the mount. Philip fags, Lord:, thew us the Father ; yet Chrift 'tells him, He that.hath feen the Son, (whom Philip had indeed feen), " hath feen the Father alfo." What effe&s has the manifefta- tion of Chrift had on them that got it? The Pfálmift, that law him fairer than the childrenof men, Pfal. xlv. 2. his heart fpeaks good of him. It has been the delire of my heart to commend Chrift to others, and I.have found my heart bubbling up his com- mendation. 2. It made him think and fay, Whom have I in s' heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I delire " betides thee." My foul can be ihtisfied with nothing in hea- ven or earth, no not with heaven itfelf, without him ; and I think I could be fátisfied with han alone. 3. It made himfay, " Thou " didft hide thy face, and I. was troubled." So is it with me. My heart was fomewhat lighter, though I was not raifed up much from my trouble. At family- exercife my heart was íòmewhat raifed with refpeét to that trouble, by forne paffages John xv. Afterwards we fang the latter part of the 14th pfalm ; and I very well remember, I thought I could get nothing therefor me ; yet that word, " You (hame the coun(el of the poor, becaufe God is his truft," was laid open to me as with a ftrong hand, it ftrik- ing at the very root of my particular trouble; and then I fìiw I had' route to aufwer them that troubled me. My foul bleílèd God for his word, and. for that word in particular, that ever it was put in the Bible. It has loofed my bands, fet me to my feet again, and put courage in my heart. My heart rejoiceth in his .fklvation, and in himfelf. One thing is obfervable in this, that being this day perf'uaded, that my untender walking was the caufe of God's hiding himfelf, and that a certain foul fiepwas the caufe of this particulht trouble, after I was made fenfible of it, and lamented it more before`the Lord, then, and not till then,
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