1+Ioo. MR THOMAS BOSTON. 103 I obferved this day myfelf much the worfe, 1. Of not obferving fixed meditation when I lie down, and when I rife, fo duly as fome time before ; 2. Not preparing iíty heart more cónfcien- tioutly for family - exercife ; 3. Sleeping too much fometimes ; 4. Beginning fo loon in the Monday morning to meddle with any fecular bufinefs. And I find I am the better, 1. Of fpiri- tual converfe withmy people ; 2. Of plying my ftudies clofely. Going home, I went to prayer ; and my averfenefs to come into the pretence of God, wherewith I had been feized under con- fcience of guilt, was taken away.; and the Lord looted tomeof my bands, On the morrow, having vifited fome families, I found I had not that power and life in going about that duty that was to be defired. And although I have endeavoured to amend the firft three of the aforementioned things, which I noted my- felf to be worfted by, refolving in the Lord's fìrength to go on, and endeavoured all that day to watch my heart; yet it is no wonder I go halting, to learn me to knowwhat a bitter thing it is to be fo ungrateful to the Lord. Befides, I am fure I have been too legal in thefe things, and have not, as I ought, believed. The following time I fpent in preparing the weekly fermon, and recording the heads of difcourfe at the two immediately preced- ing meetings for prayer; in a book. Taking tome time to pre. pare my heart, by prayer and meditation, for preaching, there was fomewhat of a breathing orrmy dry bones : and then did my littance from God, ingratitude to him, and wearying of duties, efpecially fecret and private, like darts ftrike through my liver : yet found I much hypocrify in my heart. I fet myfelf to guard against the rock I had fplit on before. However, my confidence in God'was very fmall; and according thereto was the meaíiire of countenance I had in the fermon. But it was good he did not leave me altogether to my oWn weight. A convi&ion I then had of my lofs, by beginning to foon on the Monday mornings to write letters, or meddle with any fecular aflàirs, prompted me to defire to fpend that morning in prayer and meditation, with refpec`t to the Sabbath's work. And by that timealto I had thoughts of preaching one of thediets of the Lord's day, on a text different from my ordinary. On the morrow, Feb. 2. I was fattened to my ftudies till the evening, mixing them with prayer. At which time, having been at fome pains to prepare my heart, and beg the divine pretence, I went and vifited Tome families ; but with little tàtisfaótion. So returning with a forrowful heart, I poured out my complaint be- fore the Lord. But hill it lay heavy on myfpirit, having withal a fenfe of my utter infufficiency for that piece of my work. I found it hard, yea, without a fupernatural power, impoffrble, to bring people, to a fenfe of their need of Chrift. Mean while I was convincedof thejuttice of the divine procedure with me in that matter, and ofmy legal way of managingduty. I íáw then alto a fe ret averfenefs of heart to that work, which, when I was N2.
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