1700. MR THOMAS BOSTON. 011 the afternoon ; at which time company coming in, I had very little time for Rudy. I preached and prayed that night in bands, and fo was justly chaftifed for my unfeafonable reading. The Saturday I fpent entirely in my studies, which went not ill with me ; and I found there was noground for the uneafy apprehen. fion above mentioned. Upon that occafion I ob(érved, what I have in feveral inftances fince that time obferved alto, viz. That it was eater for me not to be lifted up with worldly things going according to my with, than to keep right under crofs difpenfa- tions. But upon weighing of that matter, I judge the obferva.. tion muft refpeét the firft bruth or commencement of profperity or adverfity, not the continued train or courfe of the fame ; and that my natural temper hangs the bias that way. Feb. 11. This morning, being the Lord's day, I got my heart in fbme meafure to felf emptinefs, and greedy looks to Chrift. I had much of the Lord's help. The leéture on Pfal. xvi. was fweet to me. Betwixt fermons I feared I had not got my heart to a deep fet of fatisfaétion in Chrift alone, and contempt of the world ; and therefore it was my defire to get fuel' grace in the afternoon. O ! that 147th pfalm from the beginning, which we Tung before the afternoon- fermon, was fweet. I got a commen- tary efpecially on that, " Who the difpers'd ofIfrael Both ga- " they into one." I thought I faw how believers were like poor ftraggling fheep in a wildernefs ; but the great Shepherd would come, and gather them all to himfelf into heaven, ere long. It is good for all, efpecially minifters, to be emptied of themfelv,es, and to have Chrift and the good of fouls before their eyes. Sim- prin! O bleffed be he for his kindnefs at Simprin. If I couldbe- lieve, there would be no fear of me here. When I came home, upon refleétion I foundmuch to mourn for in myfeif and the people. The people came to the exercife ; and whatever part I have in Chrift, I am fure I took much delight to fpeak to his commendation, and my heart loved him. I have been preffing felf-examination ; and I think I will fee what I can fay to that, Pfal. xvi. My heart being in love with him for himfelf, and de- firing him above all, my heart fays, " Preferve me, O Lord, for " in thee do I put my truft." I know I am furrounded with evils on every hand. I cannot fave myfelf ; and though I know no other Saviour but Chrift, 1 find it Rill fomewhat difficult to fatten myfeet on the promife. (Here, ,juft here, I was put to a Rand). I cannot believe, thought I ; and fo defcending to my- felf, I could not think Chrift loved me, and founda fecret defire in my heart to leave this work ; but, thought I, what am I do- ing? that is not the firft queftion, (O the deceit of Satan!) ; l will try whether I have thefe evidences offaith or not that are fet down there. I thought, when I began this, I had faith. 1. " O " my foul, thou art my.Lord." Now I have taken Chrift for my Lord, and that without any known referve, Lord, thou know- eft. And now again, with my whole heart, 0 Lord, I ant con-
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