106 MEMOIRS OF PERIODVII. tent to take thee Rill, and that for thyfelf as well:as thy benefits. e. " My goodnefs," &c. Though under a temptation (and fuch temptations have come on me fometimes like lightning, as this verynight, at which myheart ftarted) I begin to think fome- thing of my filly eflays,at duty ; yet otherwife I find I renounce all my own righteoufnefs, and acknowledge God would be no debtor to me, but juftly might damn me, though I should burn quick for him. But what if that be merely from an enlightened confcience ? I doubt if that will make men renounce their own righteoufnefs, Matth. v. 3. Though an enlightened confcience may let men fee the equity of God's judgments againft limiers, even themfelves ; yet I am fure it cannot make men approve of the law of God, Rom. viii. 7. & vii. 23. Pfal. i. 2. But fo it is, my foul approves the whole law ofGod in all its parts, threat- enings as well as promifes, Pfal. cxix. 128. 172. 3. " To the " faints" . I have little experience of this ; I have little to give ; yet I can willingly, upon the command of God, give what i may to any, and far more would I to poor faints : but I am fure, I would if I could help any of them nearer Chrift, and I re- joice in their fpiritual and temporal Welfare. They are the " excellent" in my efteem, " I delight" in their fociety (at leaft I defire to do it) when they are inoft heavenly ; and the Lord knows grace commends any, more to me, than any thing elfe whatfoever. 4. " Their forrows," &c. I believe and approve it, though it fhould be exemplified in myfelf. Ofall " por- tions" I defire none other but him ; I am content to take Chrift for all, and thinkhim a,goodly, complete, and fatisfa&ory " heritage." And many times my foul bleffeth God, that bath " given me counfel" to make that choice. Be " moved" as I will, I refolvè to grip to him, and cleave to him for ever. And the Lord knows it is the defire of my heart to keepmy eye al- ways on him, and in my preaching this day he was " before " me," to bring myfelf and others near him. I cannot find much heart-joy, but only my heart rejoiceth to ufe " my glory" to f eak.his commendation. And I think I could venture my " flefh" and fpirit both on his mercy. And God knows, Chrift is the " foul, the life, the fap, and marrow of any thing I have or exile&. Iwould fain hope he will " thew me the path of " life." I believe that at his face is " fulnefs ofjoy," for I have fometimes had great joy in fbmeblinks of it : and that " at " his right hand are pleatures for evermore." And O that my foul would be content to be there, to be fatisfied with his like- nefs, Lord, thou knoweft. After this I went to prayer, wherein I was helped to cleave to Chrift ; and protefted, that I would refólutely adhere to him, as my Lord, howfoever he might be pleafed to difpofe of his joy and comforts; it being enough to ¡ne Ito be brought unto himfelf, though by the brink of hell. Agreeable to the defire above mentioned, I fpent the Monday's morning in. prayer and meditation, . not without fomecountenance.
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