1700. MR THOMAS BOSTON. 113 would-think myfelf unworthy to open my mouth) do pats. This racked my fpirit, confidering how little ofChrift I knew ; how I am habitually caft down, and cannot win to get my heart lifted úp in the ways of the Lord. I,faw Simprin, and thought it was the fitteft place for me ; fearing I may be, even in it, a cumberer of the ground. When I came home, I poured out my foul to the Lord, feeing myfelf of all men molt miferable, and not fit to be feen in this world. But the Lord {till hid his face. I was a wonder to myfelf, and thought I may be a wonder to the world, and that religion fullers by me, while people may think 1 am a melancholy fool, with force fingular fancies, clofed up in this place. Next day my heavinefs continued and increafed, though in the morning I was helped to cry with foreearneftnefs for a blink of his countenance, but I found it not. I went unto and returned from the prefbytery in heavinefs ; but, that day, our owning, by fubfcription, the divine right of the government of the church, was carried. When I carne home, I became downright melan- choly, infomuch that, at the,ineeting,for prayer, my head was fo confuted, that it was in fore meafure vertiginous, and my imagi- nation troubled ; whence it came to pals, that tome intermit-lions Were caufed in my finging the Lord's praifes. However, con- fcience of duty urging, I adventured to fpeak on the queflion'pro- pofed to be difcourfed ; and thereafter I became more férene. Many a heavy and melancholy day.have I had, through various caufes and occafions, which holy providence hath laid before me: but I do not remember that I had ever before that time been fQ afl'eóted, except once, when I was a boy,; at which time.I know of no rational ground it proceeded upon : nor can I remember one inftance fnce, wherein it acted fo mechanically, to fuch a pitch ; if it is not the paffage at Kelfo, April 23. 17 t2, to, be related of that date. On Wednefday it was not fo fevere: but there re- mained a great heavinefs, together with a pain in my back, from theriding the daybefore, though I was diftant from the pretbytery- feat but five miles. For this caufe I lay much on my bed that day, fometimes walking out, to help myfelf by means ofconverta- tion, which I found uxfeful. No religion was left me now, but a forrowfullooking up to the Lord, whom I had provoked to with- draw. On the Thurfday my exercifes were very uncertain : I was Rill faint and languishing in religious duties, found my body unfit for much ftudy ; yet had folid hopes of the divine ailìftance in my fermon ; the which alfo I got, with a good deal of ferenity of mind. But indeed it was belt with me, when in that exercife. On the morrow, the whole day being fpent at K.erfefield, when I came home, I could neverthelefs find no vigour in my fpirit. On Saturday morning I got a rouíing ftroke, by an apprehenfion of my father's death, who was indil'pofed :. thereafter my hands were all loofed in prayer ; and then I ftudied my fermon and my love to Chrift, and concern for the good of the people, were railed fomewhat. But the heavy difpofition of my body was still
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