208 MEMOIRS OF PERIOD Ix. guilt, and helped to ferve the Lord ; whereas I could not ferve hire before, while my confcience was defiled in that matter. I found my corruption laid low, in comparifon of what it had been before. And thus Chrifl exercifed his prieflly and kingly offices over me. Upon this occafion I have been much inclined to cry to the Lord for the light of his Spirit wherewith to read the fcrip- turcs ; and I .have found that I am heard. Ott. 8. My heart has been looking back toward its old bias,. which was heavy to rue: but I obférved my heart faid, that the full enjoyment of it without Chritt would not fatìsfy, but Chrïfl without it would frtisly. I found fenfible ftrength this day, from ,eonfidering that fuiuel's of fatisfà&ion that is to be had in God hirnfilf, for which I have made the rèfîgnation. I had an anfwer of prayer air() brought to my hand jufl before I went 'out to the church, the lack of which was like to have'been a temptationto me. The Lord continues to Make me read the fcríptures with . more than ordinary inlight into them. [N. B. I think I never had fo much- of a continued infight into the word as I had this winter, which made it no ill time to me]. " He that overcometh (half inherit all things," was a Tweet word to me. (M. 22. , Laft week at the lynod, I was furprifed with an un-, ufual temptation, which meeting me, ftruck me with terror, and filled nie with confufion, having a native' tendency to heighten my great trial. Wherefore teeing how I was befet, and what danger I was in, I let rnyfelf the more kindly to bear my trial, and in that refpeét was bettered by that temptation. Being very, apprehenfive of the evil that might enfue upon this, I did, after much tluctuatirig in my mind, not knowing what to do, refolve to go to a certain place to prevent the ill I feared ; and accord- ingly went to a friend' at the time indifpofed. When 1 carne thither, in the fimplicity of my heart I was going to tell him my defign to'go elfewhere, but delayed it a while; and then I fell very fick, and was obliged to go to "bed, where, through indif- petition of bodyand thoughtfulnefsof heart, I had a weary night. I law 1 could not go whither I had deigned. A-bout four o'clock in the"morning, while I lay and could not fleep, I could not fee how the evil l feared could be prevented, feeing my defign was broke ; nor wherefore Providence had brought me to where I was. But at length I really believed that God had done both for the belt; and where feuü failed, faith helped me out; and this gave me great eafe. On the morrow, being fill indifpofed, I came homeward. The next day, while on my way home, matters were made fo clear to nie as to the conduót of Providence, that niy'firul bleffed him for that feafonable ficknefs, andkeeping mÿ defign entirely fecret. This I delire to mark as one of the molt lignal marks of the Lord's tender care over me. At that time there was a reproof given me, on account Of a boy that kept the fchool here, that fometimes he was not called in to the family-, exercife out of the fehool. I judged the matter was filch, feeing
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