171°2. MR THOMAS BOSTON. 215 remit fomewhat of his zeal for that work ; whereby the weight feemed to he wholly devolved on myfelf. This created thoughts of heart ; but the upshot of it was to go on, if otherwife the Lord should clear the matter. And whereas I had been defïred to caufe call for the papers about ten days after they were fent away, they camenot week after week ; which feemed to me to prefage their burial ; fo that my thoughts of that work were much laid alide. The iffue of this was, that, with fubmiffion to Providence, I was refolved today it by ; yet with forrow of heart that 1 thould not have the opportunity to be ufeful, which fume time feemed protniun,g. The letters that carne with the papers advifed me to proceed, and with earneftnefs 'fufficient : and the night before they came to my hand, I heard my eldeft brother was a-dying; which ferved to tell me, what need there was to do with all my might whatfoever my hand found to do. Jan. 16. I fpent moft of this day in prayer and meditation, for light in this matter : and after all I found, that I had rational grounds to oblige me to make an efla.y ; but could not find filch a, lively fenfe of the call of God thereto as I defired. I obferved, that the papers being kept up fo long after I was made to wait for their return, was of a piece with the Lord's ordinary way with me, to bring matters firft very low before they rife. One told me; the obferved that thefe fermons had more influence on the people of their neighbourhood, than any before or fince. I found myfelf this night convinced, that they might be ufeful to many, in regard of the room the Lord has given me in people's afleótions : and this went nearest to the railing in my heart fuch a lively tenth of the command or call of God, as might help me to believe, that he would be with mein the work ; which is the thing I want ; for with refpedt thereto, I believe that the way of the Lord is ftrength to the upright. I have read Durham on that head over and over, for light as to the Lord's call, not with- out fume advantage. But I refolve to wait on God for his mind, having prot.efted before him this day, (while I fpread thefe letters and papers before him) that if he gonot with me, I be not carried hence. Jan. 19. Yefterday and this day fourteen days, being both there days utterly indifpofed for ftudy, there was as much left of what was ftudied for the Sabbaths preceding refpearrae as f'erved ; unto which I could make no addition. So that although the Lord was pleafed to continue his help all along from the-time I parted with that book, as before fail, yet thus was I made to fee, that he had lock and key ofmy gifts fìill. This night I wascon- vinced, that God will have me moré holy, before I get through this bufinefs ; and therefore I fee, that it is my bufìnefs to labour in the tirft place to get my own cafe bettered, by renewing my repentance. Jan. 22. Laft night this was fixed on my heart, as the only way how to get clearly through ; and it anfwers to a confounding No.5. d
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