eV) MEMOIRS OE PERIOD IX. April 23. Lail week our fynod met. Ì have been bufy about thefe fermons fince I began that work, and before the fynod had eleven fheets prepared. My health has to my wonder been pre, ferved ; fave that in March, by bleeding and purging, (which continued near ten days after I took the plefic), I was much weakened, which obliged me for force little time to lay it afide. Havingbeen moderator of theOctober fynod, and being to preach before them in April, I was minded, from the fweetnefs I had found in theftudy of the holy fcripture in the Hebrew original, to have taken for my text, Ezra vii. 10. For Ezra had prepared his heart to Peek the law of the Lord, and to do it, and to teach in Ifrael ftatutes and judgments ;" and this in order toftir up my brethren to a due value for the fludy of the holy fcriptures, efpe- daily in the originals, and to holinefs and tendernefs of life, &c. But the lamentable alteration in the ftate of public affairs and fiate of the church, brought in about this time by the act; im- pofing the oath of abjuration on minifters, by which I fhw the ruin of this church contrived, obliged me to lay afide that defign, and fuit my fynod-fermon to what I judged fuch a critical juncture required. And fo I was determined to Matth. xxviii. ult. " Lo, I am with you to the end of the world." The fermon is in retentis. I fpent force time in fecret for preparation ere I entered upon it. It came to my hand pretty well. On the Saturday before I went to the fynod, being to preach at Galalhiels, then vacant, my familywas in great d iftrefs ; my wife mifcarried, Thomas was very tick, John was to go to Selkirk with me, none of the other two were well ; fo that I was in a great (trait to leave them that day : but the Lord helped, and melted my foul in con- fidence in himfelf ere I went off. But being indifpofed in body and fpirit too on the morrow, I had fcarcely ever a more heavy Sabbath. On Monday night, after I came to Kelfo, I had about two hours of eafinefs ; but when I went to bed, I was fo op- preffed with melancholy, and fears of preaching before the fynod, that I fleet none at all the whole night : but hill as I clofed my eyes, my heart was as it were ftruck through with a dart; fo that it was a moft miferable uneafy night. I arofe about half fix in the morning, and was bufy till eight. Then I thought to lie down for an hour's fleep ; but inftead of fleeping, I grewworfe ; foul, body, and fpirit, all difordered ; fo that I thought I could preach none that day. In my diftrefs I would needs have a certain rninifler tent for, that he might preach in my ftead ; but he abfolutely refufed. Wherefore I behoved to adventure : and though in delivering of the fermon I had föme fear, yet, through the goodnefs of God, it had no bad effects on me in it ; for I was folidly ferious in the whole. I am afhamedof the whole of this ; my natural bafhfulnefs and diffidence has often done me much harm. Melancholy is an enemy to gifts and grace, a great friend to unbelief, as I: have often found in my experience : but nothin4 in it touches me more than my folly and imprudence in fending .n
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