412 MEMOIRS OP PERIODXII. fary to give me an eafy exercife of my faculties, in thefe and other extempore performances. My talent lay in doing things by a clofe application, with pains and labour. I had a tolerable faculty at drawing of papers : yet no faculty at dictating, but behoved to have the pen in my own hand : and even in that cafe it would often have beena while ere I could enter on. According- ly, as for my fermons, it was often hard forme to fix on a text; the which hath oft-times been more waiting . and weakening to me, than the ftudy ofmy 4ermon thereon. I ftudie iny fermons with the pen in my Tand, my matter coining to me as I wrote, and the bread increafing in the breaking of it : if at any time I walked, it was occafioned by my flicking. Meanwhile, it would frequently have been long ere I got the vein of my fub- jest ftruck : but then I could not be eafy, unlef, I thought I had hit it. Thence it was, I often tore out what h had written, . and began anew again ; but ordinarily I found, this turned to my greateft comfort and fatisfaótion, in end falling upon the vein. Hence it was not mymanner, to fhift from text to text ; but to infift long on an ordinary ; the clofing of which at length I readily found to relifh as much, with myfelf, and the ferious godly, as the other parts preceding. Thus alfo I was much addicted to peace, and averfe to con- troverfy ; though once engaged therein, I was let to go through with it. I" had no great difficulty to retain a due honour and charity for my brethren differing from me in opinion and prac- tice: but then I was in no great hazard neither, ofbeing fwayed by them, to départ from what I judged truth or duty. With- al it was eafy to me, to yield to them in things wherein.' found not myfelf in confcience bound up. Whatever precipitant fteps I have made in the courfe of my life, which I delire to be hum- bled for, rafhnefs in conduct was not my weak fide. But fence the Lord, by his grace brought me to confider things, it was much my exercife to <difcern fin and duty in particular cafes being afraid to venture on things, untill I fhould fee myfelf called thereto : but when the matter'was cleared to me, I gene- rally thick fait by it, being as much afraid to defert the way which 1 took to be pointed out to me. And this I fincerely judge to have been the fpring of that courfe of conduct upon which Mr James Ramfy above mentioned did, before the corn- million anno 1717, in my healing, give me the following character, viz. That if I thought myfelf right, there would be no diverting of me by ìy means. I never had the art of making rich ; nor could I ever heartily apply myfelfto the managing of fecular affairs. Even the fe- cular way of managing the difcipline of the church, was fo unacceptable to me, that I had no heart to dip in the public church-management. What appearances I made at any time in thefe matters, were not readily in that way. I had a certain averfenefs to the being,laid under any notable obligation to others,
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy OTcyMjk=