42 MEMOIRS OF PERIOD P. doátrine thereon being almoft only for exereifed fouls : but going to family-duty, which the landlord performed, he lung Pfal. cxi. by which, efpecially ver. 2. 4. I was cleared in this point, in- itruóted, and comforted; and was alfo cleared fomewhat by the . chapter read. But that which did fully confirmme; was a word brought to me by the way, " When thou art converted, ftrength- " en thy brethren." So that I was allured I was called to preach that do trine there. That word forefaid was very appli- cable to my cafe : for on the Thurfday before I had a very (harp exercife, and a fad ftruggle. The matter was this. Awakening a long time ere day-light, I found my dream had been finful. At firft I was rather amazed than truly of eéte'd with it, being overwhelmed with fleepinefs. I thought to lie waking, and think on it fometimes, and fometimes I thought to pray in my bed : but while thus minded, the temptation I had while afleep, fet on me when awake ; and fleep prevailed fo, that I had almoft given myfelf up to it : and while 1 was thus flumbering, I fkid twice or thrice within myfelf, with a terror from God on my foul, What if I be damned before I awake? After this, my foul was under fo great terror from the Lord, that my very heart began to fail ; and I wanted not thoughts of expiring juft there where I was. Yet I call up ejaculations to the Lord, put on my cloaths, and lighted a candle, groaningun der the fenfe ofguilt. While I walked upand down, that word, 1 John i. 7. " The blood ofJefus Chrift cleanfeth from all fin, ": came into my mind, and did fomewhat fatten my finking foul I then went to prayer, confeffed, and poured out my foul before him, and that with fome confidence of mercy. Then I feared that confidence was not well got, and was afraid God fhould give nie up to hardnefs of heart, which plague I feared as death, and cried that the Lord would not plagueme with that, which was terrible as hell to my foul. I made ufe of that promife, Prov. xxviii. 13. " He that confeffeth and forfaketh, (hall findmercy," and gripped it asfpoke by the God of truth. But my foul began again to fink and defpond. I wreftled againft it ; cried to the Lord, that hewould not be terrible tome, &c. till I got up again fomewhat. When I arofe from my knees, I walked up and down with ejaculations, ftriving to grip to that forefaid promife, and I thought it was faith whereby I did fo. I made muchufe of that promife, thought it was God's word, and that God would not deny his own word. The caufes of the Lord's leaving me I found to be, 1. My coldrife prayers the preceding night; 2. Someguilt the day before not yet mourned over, viz. a blafphe- rnous thought that went through my foul at the blefiing before the exercife. S. I was even thinking laft nightwhile a-bed, what vi&tory I had got over, that which fo overtook me ; fo that it feems I was too fecure. The of e6ts of this tragedy were, that I law my own vilenefs, and felt what it was to be near giving over hope : but thanks be to God that giveth me the vi6tory through
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