ih 54 MEMOIRS OF PERIOD VT. me;, fo that on the 14th I quite declined preaching the week- day's fermon for Mr Colden. The reafon of which being allied by Mr Balfour above mentioned, as he and I were walking alone by the way ; I freely told him, that preaching was becomeano ther kind of a talk to me, than fometime it had been ; that I was difcouraged, through the ftraitening I found as to the preaching of Chrift, arguing myyignorance of Chrift : the which ignorance of Chritt, in the very time I was fpeaking this, was molt grievous to my foul ; to that degree, that my very body was affected, and . my legs began to tremble beneath me. He faid, it was an eager temptation, to driver me off from preaching of Chrift. Parting with him, I came home very forrowful, yet looking upward, tee- ing the emptinefs of all things betides Chrift, or without him. The Lord was pleated to lay bands on my unítable heart, till I got my cafe {hewed before him : and he let me fee my need of Chrift, and I began to apply the word, Matth. v. 3. " Ble{fed are the poor in fpirit." The Lord (hewed me the vanity of health, `wealth, &c.. and made my foul to prefer Chrift to them all ; and indeed I contemned all things in cornparifon of him, yea even heaven itfelf. I fung with my heart Pfal. xl., 11.. anal downwards, and in prayer pleaded theprornife with tome confi- dence ; being refolute for Chrift, and that no other thing Ihould ever fatisfy me. On the morrow, the Lord helped me toapply the promifé, If. lvii. 15. cited by -Mr Colden in his fermon : the very reading of the words, " to revive the heart of thehumble," was reviving to my foul, which faw its own emptinefs. That ftraitening aforefaid fonietime Teemed to me to fay, that for all the motion made for my fettlement in my native country, I be- hoved not to think of fettling in it, where I was thus hardly be- ftead as to the preaching the word: But the iffue of this exer- cife was that I was made lets concerned, how I might be dif- pofed of as to my fettlement ; not caring what place I Ihould go to; to that I got Chrift: and my. foul {aid to him, " Set me as " .a feal on thine heart, as a feat on thine arm!" On the 18th, preaëhing at Berwick, my fubjeót was, a difcoveryof Chritt made to the foul ; and in the ftudy of it I was not ftraitened : but in the delivery of it I was fo deferted, that in my retirement after, 1 had moft heavy thoughts of nay unworthinefs, and unfitnefs for the great work of preaching Chritt. In like manner, after the communion at Coldingham, where I preached on Saturday, and Sabbath afternoon without ; I was preffed with a fenfe of my in- fufficiency for that work, that heaven was very defirable to me : withal I was but little edified with one of the fermons I heard on the Monday, there appearing too little of Chrift in it. Thus it pleated the Lord to humble me to the duft, and to empty me of.myfelf, with refpea to the great myftery óf Chrift; and to give my heart a particular fet and raft towards it, which hath continued with _me to this day ; and {hall, I hope, to the end, that I get within the vail.
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