70 MEMOIRS OF PERIOD VI. It bath coil no final' ftruggling to put the knife to the throat of 'my inclinations in this affair, and to facrifice them to the good plea"fare of'God. In the remaining part of that week, I prepared my exegefis de idololatria, exercife and additionon Eph. and on the 18th, thinking on a text for Simprin, found none, till in bed in my meditations, that word, 1 Pet. v. 5. ; " For God " refìffeth the proud," Sze. carne to my mind ; which I thought I would take, and that in regard I find the of my heart creating me much trouble, while I think on te bufinefs of Sim prin ; for I reckon always, that if I were more humble, I would go on more cheerfully in that affair. I was waiting for further light therein, to break up to me from my trials ; thinking with myfelf, that if the Lord should pleafe to help me in them, it would much contribute to clear me. But after my entering on the liudy of the exercife, with a pretty good run, the wind felt; and I was left to tug and row in it,- and in the addition, even to the end. But behold ! this very thing, (hewing me my own emptinefs, contributed not a little to the clearing of me, that if I was at all to be admitted: to the holy miniftry, it fhould be at Simprin, as unfit for a more confiderable poll. Thus the Lord bought about what I was waiting for, in a wayquite contrary to that wherein I was looking for it. On the Tuefday after, being the 22d, I went to Churnfide to the- prefbytery, by that time disjoined from the prefbytery of Dunlè. Before I went to the pulpit, my café, with reípect to myfelf and others, lying heavy on me, did, with my other needs, fend me often to God by prayer. But after one prayer in public, Wherein I had fomething of his prefence, my frame much de- cayed, and the Lord left me much to the weight of my natural difpofìtion ; fear of man fo prevailing, that the glafs being run twice, i thought it had run but once, and fo 'held on ; infomuch that the exercife failed above an hour and a quarter ; and they flopped me after delivering a part of the addition. This made me vonder how I had paired my firlt trials ; but God fits the back for the burden. i overheard their cenf'ures. That manner ofmanagement could not mils to fret them ; but I was approved in that piece of trial, as afterward in theexegefis. The modera- for prefi-nted me the call of Sinnprin, which I received of his hand : but returned it to the clerk, !hewing I would further con= fider of it. At the dinner I was much difcouraged; and was in= dined to wills in my heart I mtgh not be fettled in that country. In the latter end of the week, the frameof my spirit beingbad' and even unfit for ftudy, it was grievous to me in refpeót of my circumftances, which called for another temper of fpirit. But preaching at Lennel on the Lord's day, I got fome relief: and on the Monday after, that word, Numb. xxiii. 19. " God is not " ° a man, that he fhould lie, neither the fon of Man, that he " (Mould repent," was exceeding ufeful to me, for quieting my heart, with refpeót to all bafenefs concerning me; having ferne
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