QI !MEMOIRS OP PERIOD VII. my own mind toit ; thinking withal, that I should have tabled it particularlybefore the Lord ere I had propofed it. Thus I faw the dreadful deceit of my heart. I preifed my heart with that word, 2 Tim. iv. 2. " Preach the word, be inftant in feafon, " out of feafon :" but it would not do. As I was going out of doors, it was fuggefted to me, that the Lord had thud punithed me for not Peeking light as to that particular exprefsly. While I wrote this, I thought it indeed a temptation of Satan to divert me from this work. (Nota, It feems both were true.) I was helped earneftly to feek light from the Lord in it. On the mor- raw I went to God again with this bufinefs ; yet could I not be fully fatisfied to undertake that work, fo long and fo much before refired by me ; neither had I any thing material to objeót againft. it. Wherefore I renewed my fuit ; and thinking about it, got my heart more fatisfied and inclined thereto, urging myfelf with the Lord's kindnefs to me in his work, and the necetlity of the people's fouls. I went to God again with it ; and, in fine, the aflkluity of faithful minifters, the apofìles, and others, preaching both by day and by night, and no doubt fometimes to a frall handful, did overcome me : fo that I determine togo on, detiring heartily to comply with it. On Thurfday the 14th, at night, I began this exercife ; having fpent the afternoon in catechifing. I went about the examination under a fenfe of my own empti- nefs and infufficiency ; and was well helped while my heart kept right ; but it turning to fome one or other of its biaflès, my help decayed. In the evening- exercife the Lord's prefence was inch, t.Í,was made to fay, " It is good for us to be here." When 'alone, the mifman`aging of the examination, yea and the fermon too, lay heavy on me ; and therefore I went to God for pardon Eft' my weaknefs. And that exercife I kept up all along after, during my co.ntinuance in Simprin ; and had manya Tweet and refrething hour of it. In the winter- feafon, our meetings for it were in my houfe, and in the night; in the fummer, they were in the mirk, at the time of the day wherein the men retied from their labour: for the people were tèrvants to Langton. And I believe that, for the fame reafon, it was only the women whom I catechifed at any other time of the day ;. being folicitous that the matter's bufinefs might not fuflèr by me, nor my good be evil fpoken ofon that account. On the morrow after, having vif ted the tick, and found how the Lord had laid his rod on my hand- ful, I was thereby convinced, that, had I flighted themotion for the Thurfday'sfermon, I would have had no peace in fo doing. Having come home from this vifitation, I refleóted on it, and Paw what fecret averfenefs was in my heart to it, and how poor- ly I had managed it. I got a clear fight of the freedom and riches of grace, went by myfelf, and lamented my emptinefsand rntworthinefs; which when I faw, it gave me a check for an in- ward itching after more work, whereby I might have a littlemore ftipend. That work was, I think, to have been a catechifì-in
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