206 LIVES OF THE PURITANS. P. It is too true, F. When will you make amends ? God will give you your desire. P. Never. F. Are you sorry that he will not ? P. No. There is nograce in my heart : it is dead. F. Whom God loveth once, he loveth to the end. P. But he never did love me. I deceived myself by a certain vain-glory. F. You could say the Lord's prayer, and, therefore, call him Father. P. That I did hypocritically. F. You must trust in the Lord. P. I cannot : I cannot. He will not have me saved. His sentence is passed. F. Do you desire to be saved ? P. No. F. Doyou desire to desire ? P. No. F. Would you be damned ? P. No. F. Look at the sins of other men, as great as yours ; and yet they are saved. P. They are good and godly. They have found grace: here is the difference. My sins are horrible. F. I see now how it is. You strictly look back to your Awn actions for your justification, and will have none of God's mercy ; and now he bath justlymet with you. Your judgment is just. Do you hope to be justified by your own merits ? P. I fear to be damned for my sins. Oh ! if you did but feel my grief only one hour, you would have com- passion. F. If you were in the fire, you would, wish to get out. P. I had rather be in the fire than here. I took many things upon me too proudly, and, being negligent, per- formed nothing. Cursed be tie day when I took scholars. If I had not taken them, I bad been happy. I was an hypocrite, and now there is no hope of comfort for me in God's presence. F. What would you counsel me to do ? P. Abide within the bounds of your calling. Take not too much upon you, and the Lord will bless you. F. Will it avail me to hear sermons ? P. Yes, if you mean to be saved.
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy OTcyMjk=