Abounding l TO THE €hief of Sinners ti r QR, ABriefand Faithful Relation of the exceeding Mercy of God in Chrift to His ·poor Servant. f()_HN B:VNTAN... NAMEL Y, · . · .<;.. In hisTaking ofhim out oftheDU119~4 hiU,ana Convertins of him to the Faith of ~is Ble[ed Son, lE SUS C. H RI T. HERE . ,. Isalioparticularly fhewed,what Sight of,and what Trouble h~ had for Sin;and alfo,what vari.ous Temptations hehad met with,and ·. ~ how Ged hath carried him through them. - __,...._._ -~-- CorreR-ed, and inuch Enlarged ng~v b)r the . · Author., for the Benefit of the' T~mpted and pejeftcd Chr1ftian. \ ~--:---?_......_-~_,__------ ' The fi\ebentl} gdition, Correfted, .with the Remainder of his Life ~nd Character; by - a Friend fince his Death. , Come ~tnd be~r,al!Je that fear God,and I w_ili £ . ,:clarewhat he hathdone j(Jr m .... ~ sout, Pfal.66.l~ _.......,__ -.._.......,__. ____ """""'- .. ].:. oNDoN, Printed for R.obert Ponder, and are tohe fuld by the Bookfellers·of London and W~{lmb1jler, 1692. ·
A PR. E FA C ·E; / 0 It, Brief A C C 0 . UN T OF TI-lE PUBLISHING this WO,RK. WRITTEN .,By the Author thereof,anddedicated ~o thofe whomGod hath counted him worthy to beget to Faith,by ~is Miniftry in the Word. CHildren, Grace he with fOU, Amen. 1h.,g taken fromyou in Prefence, tnd (o tied up, that I cannol perform that Duty, that from God doth lie upon me, to JOu ward, for Jour further Edi{jing and Buildin;: up hr. Faith and Holinefs, &c. J'et thru you may fee my Soul bath Fath~rlJ Care . ttnd Dejign after JOur fpirituaJ aJ1d everlzzfiing Welfare ; I now once again, as before, from the 1op·of Shenir and Hermon, fo now from the.. Lions D~ns, and ~from the Mountains of the Leopards (Song 4· 8.) do lQokJet after JOU all, great{Y.nging to fee tour j'afe Arrival into T I-1 E defired Haven. I than~ God ttfon every }\emembrance ~{J!JU; ~nd rejoyce even whtle I /lick betmeen the Teeth of the Ltons in the Wlldernefs, that r. tbe Grace, and Mercj, and l(notUiedge of Chrift our Saviour, wbhh God'h~nh beflor:ced uponJOI.It with tlhundince of Ftzith and Ln:e. Tour .HuiigrbJjJ and · !Mr~ings a!fo after}iirther A~quainta~ue with the Fd.ther., zn h1r Son; Jour Tendernefs of Hc,trt, JOttr Trembling at Sin; jourfober andhoiJ Deportment a/f&, before both God 471i lYien, .is great Refrejhmens to me ; for you are my Glory and Joy, 1 The}: 2. zo. , . . I h~tvefemJou h.ere inclofod, a Drcp of th~t Iimuy tbar Ihave 1aken out ~f the Carcafe of a Lyon, J udg. 1,4 .• ~, 6, 8. I bave e~ten 1her~of my [elf aljo, £nil am much re· · 2 frejhed
The· Preface. frefh~d therehj. (Temptations, when w meet them at fir/1 , 4re as the Lyon th.tt roareduponSam G n ; hut if we over· come them, the next time we .. ··.~ n, 1Ve foal/ find aNe{I Df Hone~witbi·n them) 1Jii Philiftines underftand me not• . It is [omething a~latirftz ofthe Work of God upon my Soul, even from the ruery firjf, till new, -wherein.youmayperceive myCtiflings doft'n,andmy RJfin£s up; for he .woundeth.and hisHands make whole. It is written in the Scripture, Ifa. 38. 19. Tl1e Father to the Children fhall make known the Truth of God. :rea, it was for this .Rea{on 1)1:_'1 fo long aJ Sinai (Lev. 4· to, 11.) to fee the Fire, a11d the Cloud, and the D.trkne{s, that I might fear the Lord all the days of my Life·upon Earth, and ten of his won· drous Works to my Children, Pfal. 78. 3, 4, ~· Mofes, Numb. 31· 1, 2. writ of the :four't1ey_ings of the Children of Ifrael, from Egypt, to the Lan4 of Canaln; •nd commanded alfo that they did remember tbeirforty rears Trarutl in the Wildernefs : Thou fhalt remember all the Ways which the·~Lord thy God leads thee thefe forty Years in the Wildernefs, to humble thee, and to prove– thee, and to know what was in thine Heart, whether thou wouldft keep his Commandments, oc no, Deut. i . 2, ~. ~Vh"cfore this I barue end~avoured ,to do; a;uJ. not ~mlj fo, nut to publiJb it aJfQ ; that if Godwill, others may he put in rtmemhrance of what he ha~b dtme for their Soulst it} reading his Work uprm. me. it is 1rojitable for Cbriftian! to becfcen ca.lling t~ mind fbe very Beginnint,s of Grace 'With tbeir Souls. It ' is a Night to be much obferved to -the Lord, for bringing them out from the Land of Egypt. This is that Night of the Lord to be obferved of an the Children of I[rael, in their GenertJtions,Exod. 1 2.42. MyGod, (aith David, Pfal 42. 6. My Soul iscaft down within me; but I re· - member theeJrom the Land of 5ordan; and of the Hermonites, from the Hill _Mi:rar. He reme1nbrea aljo the LJ011- and the Bear, when he went to figh' with the Giant of Gath, 1 Sam. l7· 36, 37• It was- Paul's tccuftomed manner, .ADs ~2. and that 'J'Jhen tritdJor his Life, Atls 24· even to open before hi1 :fudges the manner of his CCJnverJi•n: He would think o
The Preface. that Day, and that Hour, in whiciJ h~ firfl did me~t wi'h Grace ; for he found it [upported hzm. Wh.en G~d b!'d · broughtthe Cbildren of lfrael out of the R~d-Se_a, j.1~ tn– to the TFildernefs; yet they muft turn 'q_J)tte aboz~t tbtther agaiN,. to remember the 4rowninf? ~f rhei~ J!.n.em_ies there, Numo. 14. 2)· for thougiJ theyf ..mg h_ts Praife bejore,. yet they foon forgot his l-Vorks, Pfal. 106. 1 I,c 12. In this ·Difcour{e of mine, .rou may fee much; much, I faJ, . of the Grace ~f God towards me: I tbank God,! can count it much; for it was above my Sins, and Satan's Temptations 100. I can remembe~ mJ Fears, and Dou~ts,., ami fad Months, with Comfort ; they are as the ,Head ~f Goli<rh in mJ E-land: Tbere was nothing to David like . Goliah's Sword, even that Sword that Jbauld have hee't .,, Jbeathed in his ·Bowels ; for tbe very fight and remem· !' '. brance of that did preach forth God's Deliverance Ul him. Oh, the P~rp.embrance of my great Sins, of my 1 ' great Temptati~s, f~ld ~f rttj grea~ Fears of Peri.fhing fqr_ , evc:r ! They brmg .rrejh m~o my N1md the R.._emembrance of _ mJ great Help, my great Suppor' from Heaven, and the great. Grace that 'God extend~d to jiu·h awretch as~· . . . My dear Cbildren, call to mind the former Days and rears of ancient Times: ~member alfo your Songs in th6t Nigpt, and eommune withypur owp. Hearn, Pfa-l. 73. ~ ~ 6, 7, 8, 9, 1 o, 1 1, . 12. rea, lopk diligem!J, and leave no Corner therein unfearcb'd ; for that is 1reafure hid, even tbe Tr.eafure of ~our firjf and fecond Exn perience of the Grace of· God towards you. Re– m~mber, I fay, the word that firft laid hold upon you: Rememb~ryour Terrors of Confl:ience, and Fear of ,Delfth and Hell: Remember a/1 your Tears and Ptay~rs to God;. rea, howyou fighed under every Hedge of Merq. Ha-ve r?lf ·never an Hi~Mizar to ~m(mber ? Have you forgot... t~e Clofl:, an·dMzlk·houfe, and Stable, thfl Barn, and. tJ;e ltke, ~'here God did vifi~JOur Souls ?,R...emcmber alf~ the ord, the Word,_I ]ay, upon which the Lord h4th caufed ·ou to E-Iope : If JDU harpe fini1ed again//- Lif!,ht, ifyou a 1 c .. to Blafpheme, ifJou are down in Defp.;.ir, ifyo w, Go!. fights ag~infiyou, or ~~Beaven .is bid from your , remember, u was thus wttbyour Father; but out o~ all the Lord delivetethme... A 3 1 &oUld.
The Preface~ 1tou~d have enlarged m~ch ~n this my Dif::our]e of mJ Temptatzons and Troubles for Stn ; as alfo, oj th~ merciful J(jndnefs, and Working of God with my Soul: I could aljo have ftepped imo aStile much·higber than tbis, in ~hich I have here Difoo~tr{ed, and could have adfJrned· an 'ihi'ltgs, mo1e than here I. kave feemed to do; but I dare not: God did not .plaJ in tempting of me ; neither did I play, -when I funk as in a hottomiefs Pit, when the Pangs of Hell·caug,ht hold upon me ; wber~Jore I m1;1 not plaJ in relatin,t fJf them, hut -be .plain and fimple, and laJ down tbe thini as it was : He that lilteth it, let him re. (J,·eive it ; 1.nd he that does not, let him ptoduce a better~ Farewel. My dtt~r Children, • . --rhe Milk al)d Honey is1Jeyond this Wilder..; - nefs : God be merciful to you, and grant ~ you be not fiothful to 'go in to po~s the Land . I ' ,. John Bunyan. • ' . • Grace
Grace Abounding TO TH· E Chief of. SI N.N E.R S :· .OR, A brlef Relation of the exceed ing 1\fercy of - · G.od in Chrift, to his poor Servant,· John lrrmjan. · I~ thismy Rel:ation of the me~"cift:I Work..;. · tng of God upon m-y Sonl, It w1Hnot be~· amifs,. if, in the firft place, I do, in a fe\V Words, give you an Hint of my ·Pedegree,. and In'anner of. bdnglng up; and thereby the Goodnlers and Bounty of GoC. towards– me n1ay oe-,,.t'he rnore advan~ed and magnifi ed before the Sons of Men. · · 2 ·. ·For my Defcent-then, it was, as is well known by many, of a low and inconfiderableh Generation; myFather's Houfe b~ing of that· Rank that is tneaneft,-and n1qfr defpifed ofall. the Families in the Land. \\7herefore I have n'ot here, as others to boaft of noble Blood,or of an high born State, according to theFlefu,; .. tho, all things dlnfider'd, I nragnifythe H-e"'!'*· 'Vtnly ·Majdfy,for that by this Door he brought me into this Wot~ ld, to partake o { the Grace, ;and Life that is in C~rift by .the Gofpel. · . 3· But yet, notwttbfl:~ndln~ the meanne)s . and. inconfider~bl.enefs of_myParents,it pleaf"".. ed ~od to put lt Into. thetr Hearts, to pt1t me A 4 t9, (
2, -- · .Grace A~oundiHg to School, to learn both to read and write · the which I alfo attained, according to th~ Rate of other poor Mens Children ; though, to my Shame, I tonfefs, I did foon lofe that little I lerant, eyen almoft utterly, and that long before the Lord did work his gracious .~ork ofConverfion upon my Soul. · 4·· As for my own natural Life,for the thne that I was without God in the World, it was i.ndeed,according to the Courfo ofthis World,and the Spirit that f!OW worluth in the Children of · difobedience, Eph. 2. 2, 3· It was mydelight to be taken ca·p.tive 4Y theDevil,at.his will; 1 Tim. 2. 26. being filled with all Uniighteoufnefs : The which did alfo fo Urongly work,and put forth it Jelfboth in my Heart & Life, & that from a Child, that I had but few Equals (ef. peciallyconfideringmyYears~which wer~ ten– der, being few) both (or curfing.fvvearing,ly· ing and blafpheming the Holy Name of God. 5. Yea, fo fetled and_rooted was I in thefe things, ti1at they hecaq1e as a fecond Nature to n1e; tbe vvhich, as l alfo have with fobernefs . confidered fince, did fo ofiend the Lord, that even inmyCh.ildhood he did fcare and affright me with fearful Drean1s, and did terrifie me . vv ith dreadful Viflons. For often..after I had . fpent ,th is and the other·day in fin, I have in my Bed be~n greatly affiiB:ed, wbile afleep, ,with the apprehenfions ofDevils and wicKed Spirits, who frill, as 1 then thought laboured to draw n1e away with thenJ; of which I could 11ever be rid. 6. Alfo ...
to thl Chief of SitJ»ers: ~ 6. Alfo I .fhould,at thefe Years, be greatly · ,_ afRit\:ec:l and troubled with the thoughts of the fearful Tormentsof HeU-.fire,ftill fearing that it would be my Lot to be found,at laft,among thofe Devils and hellifh Fiends who are there bound down with the Chains and Bonds of Darknefs,unto the Judgment ofthegreatDay. 7· thefe things, I fay, when I was but a; Child,but nine or ten years old,did fo diftrefs my Soul; that then, in the midft of tny many · Sports, and Childifi1 Vanities,amidft rny vain 1 .Companions,! was often much caft down and afflicted in my Mind therewith ; yet could I not let go n1y Sins : Yea, I was alfo then fo overcome with Defpair of Life and Heaven, · that I faould often wiib, either that there bad been no Hell., or that .I had been a Devil; ~ul?-.. pofing they were only Tormentors, that If it muft ·needs he, that I indeed went thither, I might be rather a Torm~ntor, than be tor.. ~ mented tny felf. , · · 8. A while after,thefe terrible Dreams did leaven1e,whichl alfo foonforgot;for myPlea– fures didquickly.cut off the rerne.1nbrance of . them,- as.if they had never been: Vvherefore \vithmore greedinefs,according to theflren(ltb of Nature,! did frill let loofe the Reins to~ny Luft,anddelighted in all~ranfgreffion againft; · the Law of God :-Sq that until I can1e to t'he · State of Marrisge,I_was the very Ringlea_der of aJl the Youth that kept me company,in all znann-er of Vice and llngodlinef75? · -·--- - ... . ... . - - . . A ~ ~ 9 • Yea, ·
4 Grace Abounding 9: ¥e~-' fuch prevalency had the Lufts ·~d Fruits of the FleJh; in this poor Soul ofmrne, that had not a Miracle of precious Grace preven_ted, I had ·not oniy perHhed by the, Streak ofeternal }uftice,but had alfo laid my felf open, even to the Stroakof thofe Laws which bring fome to Difgrace-and open Shume, before the Face of the \Norld. 1 o. In thefe days the 'thoughts of Religion were very grievous to tne ; I could neither endure it my felf, nor that any other lhould : So that w.hen I have feen fome read in thofe Books that concernedChriftianPiety,it would be as it were a Prifen to me. Then 1f~eid unto God, Depart from me, for I defire no~ the know• ledg of thy ways, ·Job 21. 14, 15. I was now void of all good Confideration; Heaven, ~nd Hell were both out of fight and mind ; and as for Saving and-Damn.ing, they were leaft· in my thought!. 0 Lord, thou knoweft my Life; and my_ w~ys were not hid front.thee. . I I~ But thls I wen remember,that though I coul<J my felf fin with the greateft Delight & Eafe,.and·alfo takepleafure in the Vilenefs of my Companions; yet even then, if I have at any time feen wicked things by thofe who profeifed goodnefs, it weuld 1nake1nySpirit tremble. As once, above all the reft, wh.en I was inmyheight of ·Vanity,yet hearing one to fwear ,that was reckon'dfor a Rel!gious Man,. it had fo great a ftroak upon my Spirit, that it made my Heart ak.e& . -· - , -- -- . · - .. 11. 13ut
to the Chief ofSi»ntr!~ .- I 2. But God did not utterly leaven1e,b~t ·. followed me ftiU, not nowwith Convittions, "but Judgm~nts; yet fuch as were mixed with Mercy.For on'ce I fell into a Crick of theSea,: and hardly efca.ped drowning .Another tim.e~. I fell out of a Boat into Bedford' River, but:· Mercy yet pre(erved me alive:-·Befides, ano• ther time, being in the Field with one of nr)' Cotnpanic:>ns,it chanced·that an Adder paffed over theHigh-way; fo I,having a.Stick in my Hand, ftruck her over the B~ck; and hawing ftun'd her, I forced Of)en her Mouth with my Stick and plucked her _Sting,out with myFin– gers; by which AB: bath not God been nier;.. cifol to n1e,l might,by mydefperatenefs have.. brought my f~lf to mine End. 13. This alfo I have taken notice of, with-· Thankfgiving; wlien I was a Souldier,I,wit~ others, were drawn out to go to fuch a place to.befiege itJ; but when I was juft ready to go,.. one of theCompanydefired to go inmy room;_ to which, when I had confented, he took my Ptace ; and coming to the Seige, as he ftooct' Sentinel, he wa-s !hot into the Head.with a . · ·Musket-bullet, and diecl. " --- 1 4· Here, as I faid·, were Judgtnents and· M.ercy, but neither of them did awaken my Soul toRighteoufnefs;wherefore1finned ftill., . and grew more and more Rebellious againft God, and carelefs of mine own Salvatiotl-' -_ , 1 5· Prefently after this,I changed my.Con.: ~i!io~ !~. tq ~. ~~£~~~~ ~!ape, ~~~ ~y Merc·y~ · wa~ > ' ...
· Gr,ace abounding ' w~s, to light upon aWife,whofe Father was counte<tl godly: This \"(oman and I, though we came together as poor as poor might be, {not having fo much houfhold-ftuffas a Difu . or Spoon betwixt us both) yet this fhe had for llerpart,The Plain Man's Path wat to Hfaven, andThe Practice ofPiety,whi<th her Father had left her, when he died. In thefetwo Books I fuould fometimes read with her, wherein I alfo found fome things that were fomewhat pleafing to me; (but all this while I met with no Conviction.) She alfo \vould be often tel– ling of me, what a godly Man her Father was, And how h·e WfJuld repro·ve and cor.rect Vice~ both :in h-is h~oufe,and amongjf his Neighbours; what A flri& and holy Life he lived in his Days, both .J ·in Word and Deed. · x6.Wheretore thefe Books,with this Rela. tion, tho they did not reach my"Heatt, to a– \Vaken it about my fad and finful St~te, yet theydid beget within me fome defires to Re– ligion : So that,becaufe I knew no better,! fell in very eagerly vvith theReligion of the times; to ·wit 1 to~ go to Church twice a day, and that too wt~ the forernoft;and there fheuld very devoutly, both fay and fing as others did, yet retainingmywicked Life:But withal, I was fo over..run with theSpirit of Superftition,that I ador'd,and that wi_th great devo.tion ,even ·all things (both the High Place, Pri~fb, Cle~k, Vefhnents, Service, andwhat elfe)belonging to the C~urch ;.counting all things holy,that , . -- -·~···· ·- -. ···-~- -- ·-- . were- · ... .
. to the Chief of Sinners: . i were therein contained ; and efpecial1y, the Prieft andClerkmoft happy,&without doubt, greatly blefs'd,becaJ.lfe ~hey were theServants, as I then thought ot God; and were Principal in the holy Ten1ple, to dohis Worktherein. 17.This Concei(grewro ftrong, in a little time,uponmySpirit,thathad Ibut feen aPrieft (though never fo fordid11nd debauched in his~ Life) Llhould find mySpirit fall u1ader him,re– verence him, ·&kneel unto him;yea,i thougl1t ' for the Love I did bear unto them (fuppofing they were the Minifters of God) I could have · lain down at their feet, &hav.e been trampled upon by them ; their Name; their Garb and - Work did fo intoxicate and hewitch me. 1 8. After I had qeen thus for feme confide.; rable time,anotherThought came inmyMind; · . and that was,whethe,r we were of thelf~Zelites.; \ or no?For finding in the Scripture~, that they were once thepeculiar PeopleofGod.,thought I,ifl wereonce ofthisRace,mySoultnufl: needs behappy.No'Wagain, Ifound within me agreat ·· longing tobe refolved about this Queftio~,but could not tell how I 1hould : At laft, I asked , n1yFather ofit; who toldme, No, we were not. : Wherefore then 1 fell in rriy Spirit, as to the .hopes of that, and ~ fo remained. 1 9· But all this while, I was not fenfible of 1 the danger and evil of fin ; I was':Kept from confidering that fin would damn me, what - Religion foever I followed, unlefs I was . found i~ Chrift ~ ~ay, I ~~!e~ ~h~u~hh~ of (, .· 1m 7 } .
Grace tz6ounding him,nor whether there was fuch a one, or no. Thus Man, while blind,doth wander,bttt wearieth him{elf with r anity, for he knoweth tfot the way to the Ct"ty of God, Eccl. I o. 1 5· 1 2<9. But one day (among all the Sermons our Parfon made) his SubjeCt: was,to treat of the Sabbathday, arid of the Evil of breaking that,either'with Labour~Sports,or otherwife: (now I was,notwithftanding myReligion,one that took much delight in all manner ofVice, and efpecially that- was the day that I did fo– lace my felf therewith.) Wherefore I fell iu my Confciente under his Sermon; thinking and believing that he made tha~ Sermon on purpofe to fuew tne n1y evil-doing. And at that time Ifelt w·hat guile was, though never before, that I can remember ; but then I was,.. for the prefent,greatly loaden therewith,and fo went home when the Serma\1 was end~d, with a great burthen on my Spirit. - 2 I. This, for that infrant, did b~num the Sinews ofmy )?eft Delights, and did irnbitter my former Pleafures to· n1e ': But hold, it lafted not, for before I ha~ \ve)l dined, the Trouble began to go.off my Mtn-d,--- and my Heart returned to its old Courfe : But Oh! Ho\v glad was I, that this Trouble was gone from n1e, & that the Fire was put out, that I n1ight Sin again \Vithout controuU-Wherefore, when I had fatisfied Nature witr1 my Food, I fhook the Sermon out ofmy Mind,and tomy old Cufl:om of Sports and Gaming I returned with great Delight. , --- - .,_ ---- _ 2.2._ Bu~ ~ ·- ·- ... - .... _ " ·- · .
. . t(J the Cbief of. Sinntrs. · ~ . · 2 2. Bnt the fame day, as I was in the midft · of a gatne at Cat;& having ftruck it one blow . from the Hole, juft as I was about to ftrike it . the fecond time, a Voice did fuddenly dart from Heaven into my Soul, which faid~ Wilt· thou leavt thy, fins and go to 'H_eaven, or have . thy fins a~d go to Hell? At this I was .Put to an exceedingMjze; wherefore, leaving my Cat tlpon the gtound,Ilooked up to Heaven, and was as if I had, with the Eyes of tny un– derfta.nding, feen ~he Lord jefus looking . down upon rne, as being very hotly difp.leaf– ed with me, and as if he did feverely threa– ten me ·with fome grievo~s ... Punifument for . thJfe and other my ungodlyPractices. · 23. I had no fooner thus conceived in n1y Mind, but fHddenly this c6nclnfion was faft- · n~d on my Spirit {for the former hint did fet my fins again before my Face) That I hadbeen agreat and grievous finnen, and that it was now I too latefor me to look after Heaven ; for Chrift wouldnot forgive me,norpar~on ~yTrangreJ!io'!s. Then 1fell to mufing upon th1s alfo ; & whtle I was thinkingof it,and fearing leaft it fhould b~fo,.I felt my Heart fink iri Defpair,cpnclu– dtng It was too late; and therefore I refolved in tny Mind, I would goon in fin:For, thoght I, if the Cafe be thus, myState is furely mife– rable.;_miferable if I' leave my Sins, and but mifera·bieifl follow thetn: I can> but bedam;.. ned, and if it muft be fo, I had as good be ~amned 'lllY many Sins,ai be damned for ·few.. -.l4; f~us I ~~od in the midtt Qf my ~Pl\lf, - - · -- ··-- -·-·- · ··-- _ .. -- · before
·to . Grace a!J~nding before all that then were prefent; but yet I told them nothing: But, I fay,I having made this conclufion, I returned defperately to my fport again; and I well remember, that pre– fently this kind of Defpair did fo poffefs my Soul, that I was per{waded, I could never at· tain to other Comfort than what I fh_ould get· in fin; for Heaven was gone already, fo that on that I rn_uft not thin.k : Wherefore I found within me agreat defire to take my fill of fin, frill ftudying what fin was yet to be comn1it– ted, that I n1ight tafte the fweetnefs of it ; and I made as much bafte as I could to fill my Belly with its Delicates,leaft I fhould dye . before I had my Defire ; for that I feared greatly.In thefe things,Iproteft before God,!lye not, neither 1 do I feign this · form of Speech; thefe were really, frrongly, and with all my heart, my defires : The good IJord,wlaofe MercJ is unfearchable, forgive rne my Trttn[gre[{ions.. 25.. And I amveryconfident,that thisTemp~ tation of the Devil is more ufual among poor Creatures than many are aware of, even to over-run the Spirits \vith a fcurfy and feared frame ofHeartand benumbing ofConfcience; which Fran1e he ftillyaud fiily fupplieth with fuch defpair, that though not much guilt at• tendeth Souls, yet they continually ~have a fe.. cret conclufion within them, that there is no hopes for them; for they ha~e loved Sins,there-. 1 fore after thern they will uo,]er.2.25.and 18. 12.· · 26. Now therefore6 I went on in fin with - -- - - gr~~~
.to the Chief of Sin1ters. 1 I great greedinefs of l\1i~d, ft!ll &rndging that I could not be fo fatisfied with 1t as I would. This did continue with me about a Month, or ~ mere: But oneday, as I was ftanding. at a Neighbours Shop-window, and there curfing and·fwearing,and playing the l\1ad-man,after . my wonted manner,there fat within,theWo– nlan of the Houfe,and heardme; who though 1healfo was a ve~y loofe & ungodly Wre,tch, yet protefted that I fwore and curfed at that mofl: fearful rate, that fhe wc1s made to trem· · / ble to hear me ; and told me further, That I was the ungodlieft Fellow for Swearing,that ever fhe heard in all her. Life; andthat I, by thus do– ing,was able to fpoil all the Youth in/the whole Town, if they came but in my Company. _ 27. At this Reproof I was filenc'd,and put to fecret fhame; and that too, as I thought, before the God ofH~aven :·Wherefore,while · · I ftood there;anq h2nging clown my Head, I _vvifh'd with all 1nyHeart-that I ·might be a lit– tleChild again,that my Fathet~\rilight learnme to fpeak witiloutthis wickedway1offwearing; : for 1 thought I, 'I am foaccuftomed to it, tha£ it is but jn vain for me to think of a reformation, for I thought it could never.be. ~ 18. But how it catne to pafs, I know not; I . did~. from this. time forward, ·ro l~ave n1y · ~. Swear1ng, that It was a great wonder to my felftoobferve it; and whereas before I knew not how to fpeak,unlefs I put an Oath before, , and another behind, to n1ake my \vords have · authoI
Grace a ing authority; now I conld, without it, fpeak bette~,and with 1nore plca_{antnefs than ever I could before. All this while I knew not Jefus Chrijl,neither did I leave 111y Sports and Play. 22.But quickly after this,I fell into compa ... ny with one poor Man ,that n1Jde profeffionof Re/igion;who,as I then thong1t,did talk plea– fantly of theScriptnres,andof the Mat ers of Religion: Wherefore fallin g into fon1e love and liking to what hefaid; I betook me to n1y Bible, and began to take g-reat pleafi1re in reading, but efpecially with the Hiftorical p_art thereof; for as for Paul's Epiftles, and , fuch like Scriptures, I could not away with them; being as yet ignorant, either of the Corruptions of my Nature, or of the want and worth of 1efus Chrift to fave me. 30. Wherefore I fell to fome outward Re· formation, both in my vVords & Life, anddid {et the Commandments before me for my way to, .He~even; which .Commandments I alfo did' ft~ive to keep, and, as I thought, did keep– thempretty well {omrtime-s, and then I £hould havecomfort; yet now and then fhould break one, and fo affiitl: myConfcience; but then I 1hould repent, and fay, I v; as forry for it,and promife God to do better next time, and. there get help again, for then I thought I pleafed God as well as any Man in EngLmd. · ?. I. Thus I continued about a Year ; all which time our Neighbours did take me to be a 'very Godly' Man, a new and Religious · · l\1an,
to the Chief of Sinners. Ij Man, & did _marvel much to fee fuch a great . and fan1ous alteration in my Lifeand l\1an– hers ;' and indeed fo · it was, though yet .. I krtew not Chrift, nor Grace, nor Faith, nor _ Hope; for, as I have well feen fince, had I then died, my State had been n1oft fearful. 32. But, I fay, n1y Neighbours were;ama· z~d at this my great Converfion, from pro– digious Prophanenefs, to fomething like a · moral L1fe; and truly, fo they well' might; for this my Converfion was as great, ,as for Tom of Bethlem to hecome a fober Man. Now · therefore they began to ·praife, to comn1end, and fp.eak well of me,both to my face and be-– hind my back.Now I was,as they[aid,become godly ; now I was becomea right honeft man. -But Oh ! When I underftood that thefe Were their ;,ords and opini~nsof me, it pleafe,d me mighty well. For though as yeti was nothing ; hut apoor painted Hypocrite, yet I loved to l be talkedof, as one that was truly godly. :~1 · .\~as r,rou~ of. my Godlinefs 7 andindeed, I · dtd all I d1d, etther to be feen of,or to be well fpoken,of by Man: And thus I continued for . about a Twelve-Month, or more. · .33· Now you n1uft know,that ,before this,I had taken much delight in .Ringing, but my Confcience beginning to be tender; I thought fucp prallice was but vain, and therefore for– ced rny felf to leave it, yet my mind hiilker- ed ; wherefore I fhould go to the Steeple– Jlouf~, and look on'tthough I duri not ring : · · Bu~ . , )·
I 4 ' G:·ace a!Jounding .. B'ut I thought this did not ,becon1e ~Religion neither, yet I forced n1y fclf, and would look on frill .: But quickly after, I began to think, Hori ifone of the Bti/J fiJohld fall? Then I chdfe to fl:and under a main Beatn, that lay over-· thwart the Steeple, from fide to fide, think– ing there I might i£and ~1re. But then I thould think again,Shoold the Bell fall with a fwing, it might firft ~it the wall, and then rebound– ing upon n1e, might kil11ne,for allthis Beam : This made me ftand,in the Steeple-doG>r; and ' DO\V,thought I, I am fafe enough;for if aBell fhould then fall, I can flip out behind thefe thick \Valls& fo be preferv'd notwithftanding. 34· So after this,I would y.et go t61ee them ring,but would not gofurther than theSteeple– door; but then it can1e into my Head, I-3ow if the Steeple it felf ihonld fall? And this ·thought (it may fall for onght I know) when I ftood , and looked on, did_continually fo fi1_ake my mind, that I durft not ftarid at the Steeple-door any longer,but was forced to flee,_ for fear the Steeple fhould fall .upo·n OJY Head. ~ . 35. Another-thtng was tny Da11Cllilg9I was a full Year before I could quite leave that;but all this w·hile, when I thought lkept this or that ComtnandnJent, or did,by word or deed, any thing that I thought were good, I had great Peace in n1y Confcience;and_Ihould think with rhy felf, God cannot chufe but be now pleas'd with me; yea, to relate it in 1ny own way,I thought no l\1an inEntrlandcould pleafe qod better than I. o 36. But
ttJ the C.hief ofSin1:ers. I; 36.But,poor Wretch as I was,I was a1l this whil~ ignorant of Jefus Chrifr,& going 2! bout · to eftabliih my own Rtghteoufnefs; and had perilhed therein,badnot God in mercy fhew– ed me more ofmy Stateby Nature. 37· But upon aday,thegood Providence of God did caft me· to Bedford, to \York on my ·Calling ; and- in one of the Streets of that Turvn, I came where there were three or four poor Women fitting·at aDoor,in the Snn>talk.. , · ing about the things of God; and being now Vyil]ing to hear them difcourfe, f drew near to hear what they faid,for I was ,now a brisk Talker alfo my felf, in the n1atters ofReligi .. ·on. But I may fay,J heard,but I Jtnderjlood not; for they were far above, out of my reaeh ; Their Talk was about a new Birth, the work of God on their hearts, alfo how t'hey were convinced of their miferable ftate by nature; they talked how ·God had vifited their Souls with his love in t~e Lord1efus,and withwhat '.'Vqrds and promifes they had been 'refrelhed, comforted and fupported a~ainft the tempta- . tions of the Devil :_Moreover,they reafoned of the Suggefiions and .Temptationsof Satan. .in particular;and told to each other, by whieh , th~y had been afflicted, an~ how they were born up under hi~ affaults.Theyalfodifct>urf– ed oftheir ownwretchednefs ofheart,oftheir . Unbelief; and did contemn,fli ght andabhor their own Righteoufnefs, as filthy and inibf.. / ficient to_ qo th~m anygood! ·
16 Grace aboundbtg 38.Andmethonght theyfpake,a~ if Joy did make them fpeak; they fpake with fuch pleafantnefs ofScripture-language,and with fuch appearance ofGrace in all they faid,that they were to me,as if they had found a newWorld, as if they were people that dwelt alone., and were net to be reckoned among{l their 1'-leighbours, Numb. 23. 9· . . - · ' 39! At this I felt my own Hea~t began to fhake, & tniftruft flilY Condition to benaugh~ ; for I fa~v.,that in all my thought? about Reli. gion and Salvation, the new Birth did never eater into myMind,neither knew I the Com– fort of the Word and Pron1ife, nor·the D~ceitfulnefs and Treacheryofn1y own wicked Heart. As for fecret Thoughts,I took no no– tice of them ; neither did I underfta11d what Sata:ns Temptations were,nor how they were to be. withftood and refifted, &c. 4o.Thus thcr~fore when I had heard & con– fider'd what they faid, I left them, and went about n1y Employtnent again, but their Talk and Difcourfe went with me ; alfo my Hear~ would tarry with them, for I was greatly af· fetted with their words,both becaufeby them I was convinc'd that Iwanted,the trueTokens of a trulygodlyMan,and alfo becaufe by them I was convinc~d of the happy& bleffed Con· dition of him that was fuch an one. 4'1. Therefore I fuould oftel\ make it my bufinefs to be going again and again into the Com,LJa~y o~ thefe poor ,People, ~or I could
to the Chief of Sinners. I 7 not fl:ay away; and the rr1ore I lvent aniongfr then1, the more I d_id queftion n1y Condi~ion; . and as I frill do ren1ember, prefently I found two'things within me, 2t \V hieh I did fotne– timc:s n1arvel ' (efpecially confid~ring what a bHnd, ignorant, fordid and ungodly Wretch but juft before I ·was:) The one was a 'lery great foftnefs ~nd tendernefs of ~~.1rt, which .,aus'd .me to fatl under th·eCorwH~tion ofwhat by Scvipture t~ey ~fle~ted ; .and theothet: was a grea~ . Bending In n1y l\1Ind to a continual n1editating on them, and on all other good · things which at any time I heard or read of. 42. By thefe things n1y Mind \vas now fo turned, that it lay like an Horfe -leach at the Vein, frill crying·out, Give, Give, Prov.3o. 1 )· Ye3, it was fo fixed on Et~rnity, and on the tl!ings about the Kingdo1n of Heaven (that is,fo far as I knew, tha'as yet, God knows, I knew but little) . that neither Pleafures, not~ .Profi.ts, nor Perfuafions, nor Threats, conld loofe it or n1~ke i~ let go his Hold ; and tho I !nay fpeak it with fi1arne,yct it is inverydeed; ;.1 certain 7rut h; it \vould then have been as difficult for n1e to have taken my Mind from Heaven _toEarth,as I hav~ found it often 4nce to get again fromEarth to Heaven: · · 43· One thing I ·n1ay not omit: Therewas ayoung ma,n in our Town, t~ whonl 'my Heart , · before was knit more/tkan to anyother; but he being a moft wicked Creature for curfi~g and fwe~u·ing,and whoring, I now 1hooi him
1~-s Grace abounding off, and forfook his Company; but about a quarter of a Year after I had left him, I n1et him in a certain Lane,and asked him how he did; he, after his old fwearing and n1ad way, anfwer'd, He was well. But,Harry,faid I,Why do Jo~tt [wear and curfe thus?What will become of you., if you die in this condition? He anfwered me in a great chafe, What would the Devil do for Company, if it were not for fuch as 1am ? · 44·· Abou~ this time I n1et with fom ~ Ran• tcrs Books that were put forth by fome of our Countrey-men; whichBookswereal[ohighly in efteem by feveral o_ld Proft!Jur-s~ fome of thefe I read, but was not able to make a Judgment about them; wherefore,as I read in them, and thought upon thern (feeling my felf unable to judge) I fuould betakemy felf to hearty Prayer, in this manner; 0 Lord, I am afool,and not able to know the Truth from Error ; Lord, leave me not to my own Blindnefs, either to. apprtive of, or condemn t,his DoCfrill : Ifit be of God, let me not de{pife it ; ifit be ofthe Devil,let me not em– brace it. Lord, flay rny Soul, in this matter, only at thy foot, let me not be deceived, I humbly be~ 1 feech thee.I had one religious·intimateCompa– nion all this while,and that was the poorMan that I fpoke of befGre; but about this time,he . alfo turned a· moft devilifh Ranter, and gave himfelfup. to all manner of filthinefs, efpeci· ally_Uncleannefs: He would alfodeny that there was a God, Angel, or Spirit;and would · laug,h at a11 exhorta!ion~ to,fobr~ety ~ When r
to the Chief of Sinners. · 19 I laboured to rebnke his wick~.dtiefs,be would laugh the more, & pretend· that he had gone through all Religions, and could never light on the right till now : He told mealfo,that in little time I fhould fee all Profeffors turn to the ways of theRanters,\\lherefore, abomina– ting thofe curfed Principies,I l~ft his Cornpa– ny forthwith, and became to him as great a Stranger as I had been before a ·Familiar. . ·- 45. Neither \Vas this Man only a temptation to me,but my CalLing lying in theCountry, I ·· happened to light into fevera-1 Peoples Corn- · pany; who,though ftricl: in Religion forrner– ly,yet were alfo fwept away by thefe Ranters~· · Thefe would alfo talk \Vitb me of theirWays, and condernn me as legal and dark,pretend– ing that they only had attained to ~erfecrion, that could do what they would, and not fin. Oh ! Thefe Temptations were fuitable tomy Flelh, I being put a young Man, and n1yNa– ture in its prime; but God,who had,as I hope, defign'd me for hetter things, kept me in the · fear of his Name, 2nd did not fuffer me to,ac– cept offuch curfed Principles. And bleffed be God, who put it into tnyheart to cry to him, to be kept and direCted,ftill diftrufring mine own wifdom ; . for I have fince feen even the ·effeCt: of that ·Prayer, in his preferving me not only fron1 Ranting Errors,but from thofe . alfo that have fprung up fince. TheBible \Vas precious to me in thofe days, · ..46. And now, me thought, I begaR to look · . B · · into
2 o Grace a!Joundi11g into the Bible with new Eyes, & read as I ne– ver did be~ore ; and efpecially the Epiftlcs of the Apo.ftle s~. p (1-Ul \~ere f weet·a~d pleafapt to n1e ; and tndeed I was then never out of the Bible,eitherby reading or n1edi tation;frill crying out to God, that I n1ight know the truth, and way to Heaven and Glory. 47. And as 1 went on and read,I·lighted on that Pafiige, To (}ne is given by the Spirit, the ~ word ofwifdom; ttJ another thewordofknowledge by· the fame Spirit; and to another, faith, &F. , I Cor. t 2. And though,as I have fince feen,that by this Scripture the Holy Ghoft .intends, in fpecial,things extraordinary,yet onme it then .did faften with ConviCtion, that I did want things ord-inary,even that uuderftanding and wifdo1n that other Chrifiians ·had. On this \VOrd I mufed, and {Ould nottell what to do, efpecially,this word (Faith) put me to it, for I could ..pot help it, but fometitnes muft que– ftion, ~hether 1had any Faith,or no ; but I was loath to conclude, I had no Faith; for if 1dofo; thought I, then I ihall count my felf a veryCaft-away indeed. 48. No, faid I, with my felf, though I atn convinc'd that I am an ignorant Sot,and that I want thofe bleffedGifts ofKnowledg andVn– Jerftandi'l1g that other.good People have; yet at a venture I will conclude, I an1 not altoge– ~he~ fai~hlefs~though I know not what F~1ith 1s: For It ~as lhewedme, and that too (as I - l1ave feen fince) by Sat~11,that thofe wl1o con-
to the Chief of Sin~ers. 11 · elude themfelves in a faithlefs State, have nei– ther refr nor quiet in their Soul~ ; and· I was loth to fall quite into defpair. · _ 49·Wherefore by this fuggeftion,I was for a while,made afraicd to fee my w.ant ofFaith; but God would not fuffer me thus toundo& deftroy my Soul,but did continually, ag~infl:' .this my fad and blind Conclufion, create ftill– within mefuch fu ppofitions,infomuch that I could not ·reft content, until I did nowcome ~ to fome certain Knowledge, whether I had Faith or no;this always running in my m.ind,. BHt howifyou want Faith indeed.?But how canJ'U tellyou ha1JeFaith? And befides, Ifaw for (:er- . tain,ifi had it not,I was fure toperi1h for ever. 5o.So that though I endeavo.ur'd at the firft to look over the bufinefs ofFaith, yet in a little time,I bctt,~r confidering the matter, was wil– ling to put my felf upon the trya!, whether I had Faith, or no.But alas,poor wretch !So ig– norant and bruitilh was I,that I knew,to this · .day, no more how to do it,than I know how to begin and ~ccomplifh that rare and cu.ri- · ouspiece ofArt,which I neveryet faw or con-:· .fidered. . - 51. \Vherefore \V hile I was thus confider– ing ~and being put to myplunge about it (for youmuft know)that as yet,I had,in this mat– ter,broken my-Mind to no Man,only did hear and confider the Teq1pter came in_with .. his delufioa, ·rhat there was 110 way for me to know I had Faith, b11t by tryin to work[otmMirac_lc ; ur 1n
2t2,. .-Grare abounding · urging thofe ~c_riptures that feem to look that way,.for the infQrcing aJid ftrengthning his Temptation. Nay, one day,as I wa.s betwixt Elftorv and Bedford, theTen1ptation was hot upon n1e,to try -if I had Faith, by doing feme Miracle; which Miracle,at that time,was thL; I mufl: fay to the Puddles. that :were in tbe · Horfe~pads, Be dry; and to the ·dry place, Be you the Puddles: And trul y,o11e time I was gc- . ing to fay fo indeed ; bu t juft .as I \Vas. about to fpeak, this thought ca1ne into ·my (nind; But go under yonder Hedge, andpray firft, that Godwould make you able: But when I had con– cluded to pray, this came hot upon me;That ifI prayed,and can1e ag~in,and tried to do it, and yet did nothing notwithftanQing, then befure I had no Faith, but was a Caft-away, and loft. Nay,thought I, if it be fo, 1will not tryyet, but 'Wil111ay a little longer. 52. So I con~inued at a great lofs; for l thought) if they only h~d Faith, whieh could do fo wonderful things, th en I concluded that for the prefent I neither had it>nor yet for time to comev:ereever like to have it.'Thus I . was toffed betwixt the Devil and n1y own Ig– norance,and fo IJerplexed, efpecially at fome ~m~s,~hat I could not t~11 what to do. . 53.About this timejthe ftate and bapp1nefs of thefe poor People at Bedfordwas tbus,in a ' .,~t,~¥, ofVsfton,prefented to me:I faw,as if t~ey w.;e .re (et on the Sunny-fide of fon1e h1gn ·. · ~fountain, there refreibing ·themfel ves with
to the Chief (if S-inners. 2 3:· the p!eafant .Bea:n·s_of ~he ·Sun, while~- \vas iliivering and fhftnking 111 the Cold', afRLEted with Frofi,S:-Iow,& dark ClO'uds: M.ethought alfo,betwixt 1ne and thern, I fa~ a \Vall that did cotnpafs about this Mountain ·; now thro· this·vVall my Sou1 did greatly de fi re to pafs .; -concluding, t~1at if I cdl1ld, I would go even". into the very n1idft of then1, _and th_ere alfo· comfort n1y felfwith the heat of the1t _Snn .. · 54· About this Wan I thought my felf, to go a_l)ain and aga~ri, frill pi·yjng as I \Vent to fee 1f I could find fon1e W?Y-or paffage, by· which I might enter ther~,m; but none could I find for fon1e tim'e: ¥the L1ft, I faw, as it ~ were,a narrow gap 1 like a little d~or way, in · theWall,through.which I attempted to pafs :· Now the paifage being V'ery ftrait and nar– row, I made many offerS' to get in, but all iT(· . _Yain,even until I ·was well nighquite beat out' by fl:riving to get in; at laft with great frri-. ' · ving, methought I at firft-did get intnyHead, . · andafter that,bya fideling ftriving,-myShoul- - · ders and my "'hole Body: 'Then was I ex- · ceeding glad, and went and fat dovvn in the midft ofthem,and fo was cotuforted with the - light and,heat of their Sun. · ., . 55.Now this Mountain and WaU,&c. was thus made out to me; tlie Mountain fignified . the Church of the living God ; the Sun that · fhon~ thereon 1 the comfortable fuining of his merciful Face on them that were therein;the :Wall I thought was the Word, that did make · · B 3 fepara~
i4 Grace abounding fepara~ion between the Chriftians and the World;and the Gap which was in this Wall, I thought t\'as jefi1sChrifr, wh~ is the way to God the Father,Job.r4.6.Mat.7.14.But foraf. n1uch as the Paifage Wa$ wonderful narrow, . even fo narrow.; that I could not but with great difficulty enter in thereat,it lhewed me, ~h,at none could enter intoLife, but thofe that were in down-rig~t earneft, and unlefs alfo they left this wicked Wqrld oePZnd them; for here was only roon1 f~r Boc:y and Soul, but not for Body and Soul and/ Sin. . . 56. This refenJblance abode upon n1y Spi– rit n1any days; all which ·time I fawmy felf ·. in a .-forlorn and fad Condition, but yet was provoked to a vehement hunger and defire -to be one of that number that did fit in the Sun-fhine ~· Now alfo I fuould pray where.. ever I was; whether at home, or abroad ; in 11oufe-, or field ; and fl1ould alfo often,- with lifting up of heart, fing that of the fifty firft Pfal. o· Lord:,. confider my diftrefl ; for as yet. knew I not where I was. 57· Neither as yet .c::ould I attain· to any comfortable perfwafion that I had Faith in - .. t:hrift_; but inftead of having fatisfaB:ion , ·11ere I began to find n1y Soul to be affaulted with ~relh· do~bts about m}(future happinefs; refpec1al1y With fuch as tnefe, Whethtr I was EleEle4 : But how if the Day gfGrace Jhould naw be paft andgone ?· _ · . s·8. By. th~fe two_Temptations I was verhy ~ uc , m
to the Chief of· Sinner.~. ~ )· m11ch afflicted and difquieted ; fomet imes by one, an-d fometimes by the other of ~~e·m. And firft, to fpeak ofthat about my qu~fti.oning my Election; I found·at this time, that though I was,. in a flar11e to find the vyay to Heaven and Giory,and.though nothing could beat me off fron1 this, yet this Q!teft~on did fo ~ffend and di~courag~ ~ne, that I was, ef– pectally at fotnet1mes, as ·If thevery ftrength of my ,bodyalfo had been taken aJvvay by the ·force and power thereof. This Scripture alfo did feem to me, to trample upon all n1y de..-·· fires ; It is neither inhint that willeth; nor in him that runneth; but in God that jheweth . mercy, . J\.om. 9· f )9· With this Scripture I · could not tell V{ hat to do, for I ev;idently f.~nv, :1 nl~fs that the great God , of his infinite Grate, and ' Bounty, had voluntarily chofen, me to be a ,, . Veffel ofMercy, though I fhould defire, and long, and labour until tny .heart did break, no good could come of it. Therefore . th~ would frill ftick .with tne, How can you tell · you are El(rted ? And what ifyou fhould not ? ' how then? _ ._ ~o. 0 ·Lord, \thought I, what if I fuoul~ ~, not indeed? It tnay be, you arenot, faid the Tempter: It jmay be fo indeed, thought I. Why then, faid Sata·n, you had as good ::, leave off, and ftrive no further; for if in- 'deed, you jhould not--be Elected and chofen ~ of God, there is no talk_of your ·heing faved; · .. B 4 · Fa
r'· ~ 26 Grace ahounding For ·it Z:s neither z."n_him that wi/letl:J, nor in him that runneth; but in rlodthatfoeweth mercy. 6 r. By thefe tnings I was driven to my \Vits end, rtot knowing what to fay, or how to anfwer thefe temptations? (Indeed, I little thought that Satan had thus aifaulted me, but that rather it WelS my own Prudence, thus to ftart the Qpeftion ;) forth at the Elect only attained Eternal Life, that l, without fcru– ple, did heartily clofe \Vithal; but that my felf v;as one of them, there lay the <81efl:ion. 62. Thus therefore, for feveral days, I was greatly aifaulted and perplexed, and \vas often, ·when I have been walking, ready :to fink where I went, with faintnefs in tny Mind: But one day, after I. had been fo ' n1any ~'eeks oppre!fed and caft down there– with, as I was now quite giving up the Ghoft of all my hopes of ever atta-ining Life, 'that .·Sentence fell with weight upon 1ny Spirit, Look R.t the generations of Old, and fee: Did ,ever any trujf in God, and were confounded? 63. Atwhich I wasgreat1y' lightned,and .encouraged i'n n1y Soul; for thus at that very inftant, 'it was expounded · to me : Begin at ·the beginning ' of Genefis, and read to the end ~f the Revelations, and fee ifyo1t can find that there was any that ever tr~tfted in · the Lord, and was confottnded. So coming home, I prefei?tly went to rny Bible, to fee if I could find tb1t faying, not doubting but t-o .find it prefently : for it wasfo frefu, and . , .. ._ wi~h
to the Chief ofSin11ers; ~·1 :with fuch frtengili and comfort on tllY.:' Spirit, thq.t I ·was as if it talked with me. 6 4 • Well, I lo'oked, but I fou!ld it ·not,: o·nly it abode upon me:· Then I d1d ask firit this good Man, and then another, if they· · knew wllere·it was ; but they knew no fuch . . place. At this I wondet'd, that fucb a fen..; tence fuould fo fuddenly, and \Vith fuch corn~ · 'fort and !l:rength1 fieze and abide upon n1y heart, and yet that none could find it (for I doubted ,not, but it was in Holy Scripture.) · ' 6). Thus I continued above a Year, and cbuld·not find the place; but at lafr, cafring my eye into the Ap·ocrypha Books I found it in Ecclejiafi·icus, Ecclef 2. 1 o. This, at the firft, did'fomewbat daunt me, but becaufe by.this ·tim~l had got moree~perience of'the love and k1ndnefs of God, 1t troubled tne the lefs; efpecially when l confid'er'd, that though it was not in thofe Texts that we ca\1 Holy and Canonical; yet forafinuch as this ' fe~ence was the fum and ·fu hftance of .. n1any of the Promifes, it was my duty to take the comfort of it ; and I blefs God for that ·word, for it was of God .to me: That vvorddoth ftill,at tin1es,fhine before my Face~ 66. After this, that other.doubt did come with·fttength upon me, But how ifthe day of· Grace Jhould be pafl a~d · gone? , How if you · l1ave over-fty>oq the_t1n1e o~ l\1ercy? Now I · ':en1ember tha·t one·day, as ~ was :walkin' ,. Into.t~e .~O\l~try 1 I yvas much 10 the th011ghts · ~ ~· S' of
z; [~ ,. Grace ·a!/o1indi11g of tli~_s·, . Eftt, how·ifthe day of Grace 'be pafi! And· toaggravate my trouble, the Tempter prefented to my mind;thofe good:people of Bedford, and fuggefted.thus untome; That· thefe:.being converted already, they were all that God would fave in thofe parts ; .and t hat I ca1ne too late, for thefe bad got the· Blefl1ng before I came. 67~ . Now was I in great diftrefs, thinking in very, deed , that this might well be fo ;:· wherefore 1went up and down be1noaning my fad condition ;. counting my felf far wor.fe then a thoufand fools for ftanding off' ,.-thus long, and f1Jei1ding fo many years in fi n as I have .done :, frill crying out, Oh,_, tha t I had turned foo ner ! Oh that l had t urned. feven years ago ! It n1ade me alfo an gry~ with n1y fe lf, to thi nk that I lho~Id· have no rnore \\li t, hut to trifle away .mY ti1ne, tillJJiY Soul ana Heavenwere·loft. 68. Bu t when r had been. long vexed wit h this fear , and :was fcarce able to,take one ·fl:ep 1nore, juft about the fame place v' qere I r.eceive.d my .other encouragetnent,. thefe words broke in upon my rn ind, Com· pel t hern to Cu1?Je · in, that my, Houfe, may be fi t7ed : aiJcl yet there-is room, Luke the . 4 221 23 . 1~heie \vords,. butefp t~ cLdl y them. A,.,d yet ther-eis roo.m, we re rweet wora s to nle: fo r truly., . 1 thcught · that by. them, I £1W· that t h~r e. . \vasplac~ enot1 gh in ·Heaven .for tne _~~ And ~ moreoYcr 3 .. that w·hen the 'Lord · ~ · ~ · - · efus
to theCI.JiefofSinner1: ~9 ., J~fus di.d' fpeak thefe words; -he then· did -;. think of ·me : and that he knowing the– time would come, .. thJt I -fhould be afflicted with fear, that there ·was no. place left for . me in his Bofom, did before fpeak this word, an~ leave it upon record, that I migJ-tt find belp)thereby ag~inft this vile-Tempta~: .. tion. · This· I then verily believed. · 96. In the light ·and enc9uragement of. ~his Word, Lwent a pretty while: and the comfort was the more, when I thought that ' the Lord Jefus fhould ·think on me'- fo long -:~ ago, and that he fhould fpeak ;··.them Wards ~ on purpofe for my fake.: for I did think . . verily, that he did on purpofe fpeak .them, . , toencouragen1e withal. .. _ 70. But l>was/ not- wit hout ·1ny ··Tempta– tions to go back again! Te1nptations·1fay, both from Satan, n1ine own heart, and /car"': nal acquaintance : · but I thank God, thefe were out-weighed by .that found fence of Death, and of the Day ofJudgment, which ; abode, as it were,continually in n1y view. I fhould often alfo thinkon ,Nebt-tchadneu..ar oa of whorn it is, fa id, He hadgipen him all the Kingdoms of the ,Earth,' Dan. S· I 8,-; 19. Yet, · thoBght 1 , if this great .n1an llad all his . porti_on in this ~ World, one. Hour. in Hell ... -. fi re would .make hirn forget .all. . Which.. Confideration \V·as . ~ .great help to tne• .7 r. I was alfo . n1ade, about this ~ time ; t9- fe.~ fon1ething ..concerning the Beafts'that.·.:. · · M()fes ,
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