REMNANTS OF TIME. 996 Many a censure have I borne from men, and had my reputation assaulted, and my good name blackened with many a scandal. But when man reproached me, God has undertook my cause, and made my righteousness shine as the light, and my innocence as the noon -day ; I could then pour out my soul before him, tell him all my sorrows in flowing language, and feel sweet relief ; but now, alas, troubles and reproaches are multiplied upon me, and he does not seem to take my part ; my spirit is bound and shut up, and I am cut off from that free converse, that humble holy intimacy which I once enjoyed with my God ; I cry out of wrong, but I am not heard : I cry aloud but there is no judgment. Will he not help me to pray ? Will he not hear my groans and requests ? Hath God forgotten to be gracious? yet I would seek his face still, and " O that I knew where I might find him !" Often have I seen him in his own ordinances in the place of public worship ; I have seen his power and his glory in the sanc- tuary : I have found him in secret corners, and my meditation of him has been exceeding sweet. In dark retirements he has smiled on my soul, and has often given me reviving light. I have found him in his works, and I have had fairer sight of him in his word ; I can name the places, the pleasant lines in my bible, and say, " I have seen the face of my God here ;" But now the bible itself is like a sealed book, or like a strange language which I cannot understand ; I hear not the voice of my God speaking to me there ; I go forward to his promises, and read what he will do for his people, but I perceive him not ; backward to his past providences or to my own experiences, and review what he has done, but there is a darkness there too : I turn to my left -hand amongst his works of nature, but I do not see him ; I seek him on my right -hand amongst his works of grace, but still he hides himself that I cannot behold him. Ver. 8, 9. "I wander in the night and enquire after him, I watch for him more than they that watch for the morning, I say more than they that watch for the morning; O that I knew where I might find him !" And it is no wonder that I am so impatient under the pain- ful sense of his present distance from me, and so importunate for his return : for I have known the dreadful case of utter distance from him in a state of nature and sin, and I have tasted some- thing of the pleasure of being brought nigh by grace, and now I dread every thing that looks like that old distance, that estrange- ment; I would fain renew those divine pleasures of a returning and a reconciled God : " O that I knew where I might find him !" Beside, I bethink myself and say, "What shall I do without a God !" for I find all creatures utterly insufficient to relieve and
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