496 REMNANTS IF TIME. help me ; and I have known something of God's all - sufficiency ; he has been my helper in six troubles and in seven ; he is my only hope: When creatures stand aloof from me, and each of them say, " There is no help in me," whither should I go then but to my God ? " O that I knew where I might find him !" I have been so much used to live upon him, and found his divine aids and influences so necessary to my life and my peace, that I sink and die at his absence. I feel within myself a sort of heavenly instinct that I want his presence, and cannot live without him. I know he stands in no need of me, for he gives to all his creatures life and breath, and being; but I need his counsels and his comforts, his strength and his love : My soul is touched with such a divine influence that it cannot rest while God withdraws, as the needle trembles and hunts after the hidden loadstone. If my God retire and hide himself, he will forgive a creature that loves him so well as to follow hard after him without ceasing, and is impatient and restless till he search ,him out : " O that I knew where I might find him !" Though God is pleased to depart from me fora season, yet I cannot let go all my hope ; he hides himself from my soul, yet I dare not think him an enemy, but only a concealed friend: If I could get near him, even to his seat, I know I should find it a mercy -seat, though perhaps judgment may sit there too, It is a throne of grace, says a christian, because Jesus is there with the blood of atonement; and having such an high-priest over the house of God, and such a new and living way of access by the blood of Christ, I will seek after him and address myself to him ; I will confess mine iniquities before him, and be sorry for my sins, which may have beclouded or eclipsed' my heavenly sun, and bid his face from me ; I fear I have grieved his blessed Spirit, and provoked him to withdraw his kind influences of light, strength and comfort ; nor will Icease grieving for his absence till he return again. Come, O eternal Spirit, come and visit my poor dark and disconsolate soul ; come and awaken all my powers to follow hard after my Father and my God. Come invigorate my faith, and lead me to the Mediator, the blessed Jesus; come, open to me the promises and let me into the covenant of his unchangeable tove ratified and sealed with blood. If ever I find my God again, it is there, I know, I must find him ; Christ is the only way to the Father. It is by the interest of his Son I shall get near to him, even to his seat ; then will I pour out all my woes and my wants in his sight, I will order my cause before him and fill my mouth with arguments. Will he plead against me with his great power ? No, but he will put strength in me, and assist and suffer me to prevail with him. Then, when I have found him whom my soul loveth, I will
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