1700. MR THOMAS BOSTON. P7 that matters will not be long thus with me. In the greateft blink of his countenance, I durft not táy, It is good for me to be here, viz. in the world. Had I but one with, it Mould be, That be would wrap me up inhis love, light, and life, while I am here, and take me away to eternity when he pleafed, though I would , fain do fomething for Chrift here ; but my own dithonouring of him by my unbelief, worldly- mindednefs, &c. puts me on the rack. But ere I fell afleep, that which I feared came upon me in force meafure. I loft muchof my frame. The decay, I thought, began with a wandering thought in prayer. I thouldconclude it was but a flab, ,if, upon a review of my heart, I found it not in love with him, and hatred of myfelf for my own vilenefs. In the time of that belt frame, I had a clear view of the freedom and ,riches of grace, as now alfo in force meafure I fear I did not guide right in thefe fears of lofing my frame, which overwhelmed my foul ; for I had ftrange thoughts of the condition of the godly on earth, in refpeft of the certainty of their finning {till. I know not what to fay of myfelf in this, onlyl am fure fomething was wrong. This was the occafìon of writing the difcourfe on the 5th qúeftion in my Mifcellanies*. I fear had I been in Mary's cafe, I had not guided as the, when Chrift faid, 4< Touch me not, Mary, for I am net yet ascended." My cup fettled below the brim that fame night ; and fo it Was on the morrow : but ,I had learned to be thankful for what was left me. On the Lord's day I preached at Kelfo again, going thither for Mr Dawfón in his family- diftrefs : and I was fomewhat àtfifted to my feeling, efpeciaily in the afternoon. From Kelfo I went to Dunfe, to fee what wasbecome of the affair of the catechift ; and I found it quite marred ; and more than that, that I was fufpeéted of double- dealing in the matter, the which was expreffed by Mrs Colden, Hereon, I find, I made the following refleótion, viz. But the Lord knows that I was innocent. Whether Mr Colden was willing to have Mr J B abovementioned to be the cateceift, or not, I cannot be pofitive ; but the main agent for the parith was not willing to undertake for the money, viz. L. 100 Scots to be advanced for that end, unlefs Mr B was the perfon : fo that I reckon the fufpicion was, that the pr41e& was, on the parities part and mine too, a contrivance rather in favour of Mr B than Mr Colden agreeable enough to the fufpicious temper of that good man. However my heart was really concerned for his con- tinuance in the country, and therefore was molt earneft for his cafe ; but, to my great. grief, removing to Oxnam, he'left it a little after. Coming home on the Tuefday, I vifited the tick : and much of that night I fpent in my {Indies ; on which alfo Ì was intent the * Thefe Mifeellanies were publithed by the author's fon in 1758, being prefixed t® a colleétionof his fermons, in two volumes oátavo.
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