1700. MR THOMAS BOSTON. 111 feóted with my own cafe, and that of the people ; with whom I was in earneft, yet ftill under-great darknefs. Wherefore I look- ed to the Lord, and I had tome help of that word, If. 1. 10. And while I was thus taken up, the world turned again with me, and I met witha favourable providence in temporals; that came very feafonably. By the_above word and providence, I-got my heart fomewhat elevated again. And bywhat I had feen and obferved that day, I perceived, that God had well ordered my lot, in the place where I was, as moft meet for me. The following day, be- ing the 23d, was fpent moftly in writing letters : and what was moft of a fecular nature therein, was the molt wearifome, and went on flowly ; and what was fpiritual was more pleafant, and proceeded in with more-enlargement of heart. A bufinefs had mifgiven, after feveral attempts. I fet myfelf to a holy indif- ferency, tried it again, and it fucceeded. So does the Lord train me,to live above the world. After this my mind went a- wavering after a thoufand vanities, and fpurned all calling back. Next morning, being Saturday, my body and fpirit were both in ill cafe : neverthelefs after prayer I fell to my fludies, and recovered both ways and by meditation on the love of Chrift, I got love to him, confidence in him, and contempt of the world, with a foulfatisfaélion in him. And fo frequent has that way of the Lord's carrying on my worldly bufinefs according to my frame, been with me, that as foon as -I begin to be anxious about a buft- refs, I conclude it will go wrong ; and when I am helped to a holy careleflnefsabout it, I amapt to expeót fuccefs. I had then, of a confiderable time, found my body exceedingly weakened with ftudying mÿ fermons : and that day I ftreffed myfeli lefs ; and inclined to think, it would be every way better for me, ifI could ftudy lets, and pray and prepare myheart more : the which courfe I did then purpofe to try. The Lord's day was a heavy. day to me. I fpent the morning in prayer and meditatiòn ; but I had not fo muchas a lively defire after Chrift, and this I could not overcome by all my faint lifelefs prayers. I found, it had been better to have been occupied in thinking ofwhat I was to de- liver; for the earthly thoughts that mixed with my other medi- tations, helped to mar my frame and I was alto Zunder bodily indifpofition. Yet in finging Pfal. lxxxix. 25. and downwards, I thought my heart was led f'olidly to fee my own cafe, andGod's unchangeablenefs as a fure anchor of faith, and fo was helped to believe. But it lafted not. I became melancholy ; fo that I fee, if there were no more but intereft obliging me to l¡ve near God, I am a great fool to let my heart afide for never .can I have any content, but when helped to walk with God. On Monday the 26th, I effayed my ordinary exercife : but both body, and mind were under hea-vinefs and indifpofition which on the morrow continued ; and in that time I found agreat averfion to duty, yea even to reading of divinity, the guft being loft. Wednefday afternòon, the bodily indifpofition increafed,; 0 2
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy OTcyMjk=