Baxter - Houston-Packer Collection BX5200 .B352 1835 v2

BAXTER'S DYING THOUGHTS. 133 All this is true : but how then cometh my soul to be yet so low, so dark, so fond of this wretched flesh and world, and so backward to go home, and dwell with Christ ? Alas ! a taste of heaven on earth is a mercy too precious to be cast away upon such as have ,long grieved and quenched the Spirit, and are not, by dili- gent andpatient seeking, prepared to receive it. He thát pro - claimeth a general peace, will give peace only to the sons of peace. If, after such unkind neglects, such willful sins as I have been guil,- tyof, I should expect to be suddenly in my Savior's arms and tobe feasted presently with the first-fruits ofheaven, I should look that the Most Holy should too little manifest his hatred of my sin. My conscience remembereth the follies of my youth, and many a later odious sin ; and telleth me that if heaven were quite hid frommy sight, and I should never have a glimpse of the face of glorious, eternal love, it were but just. I look upward from day to day ; I gróan to see his, pleased face, and better to know niy God and my home. I cry to him daily, ' My God, this little is better than all the pleasures of sin. My hopes are better than all the possessions ofthis world. Thy gracious looks have oft revived me, and thy mercies have been immeasurable to my soul and body. But, O, how far short am I of what, even fifty years ago, I hoped sooner to have attained! Where is the peace that passeth understanding, that should keep my heart and mind in Christ? O, where is the seeing, the longing, the rejoicing, and triumphing faith ? Where is that pleasant familiarity above, that should make a thought of Christand heaven to be sweeter to me than the thoughts of friends, or health, or all the prosperity and pleasure of this world? Do those that dwell in God, and God in them, and have theirhearts and conversations in heaven, attain to no more clear and satisfying perceptions of that blessedstate than I have yet attained? Is there no more acquaintance above to be here expected ; no livelier sense of future joys, nor sweeter foretaste; no fuller silencing of doubts and fears? I am not so loath to go to a friend, nor to the bed where I oft spend the night in restless pains and rolling, as I have too often been to come to thee. Alas ! how many of thy servants are less afraid to go to a prison than to their God, and had rather be banished to a land of strangers than sent to heaven ! Lord, must I, that am called thy child, and an heir of heaven, and a co-, heir with Christ, have nomore acquaintance with myglorified Lord, and no more love to thee, that art my portion, before I go hence, and come before thee ? Shall I have no more of the heavenly life, and light, and love ? Alas ! I have scarce enough in mÿ med- itations to denominate them truly heavenly meditations. I have scarce enough in a prayer to make it indeed a heavenly prayer, or in a sermon to make it a heavenly sermon ; and shall I have no