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Grace
abounding
and I
thought
I
was
fo in
God's Eyes
too:
Sin
andCorruption I
fa
id,would as naturally
hub~
ble out of
my
he~rt,
as
Water
would bubble
out of a
Fonritain:
I
thought now,that every
one bad a better heart than I
had :
I -could
have chang'd heart with any body; /thought
none
but
the
Devil himfelf
~onld
equalize n1e
for
inward wicRednefs
and pollution of Mind.
,]
fell
.therefore
at the fight of
my
own vile.
~
nefs,
deeply
into
defpair; for
I
concluded,
that this condition that
I
was in, could not
ftand with a .ftate ofGrace:
Sure, thought
I
I am forfaken of God ; ·fure I am given up
to
the Devil, and
to
a
reprobate
mind : And
thus
I continued
a
long,while,
even
for fo1ne
Years
together.
,
..
·
86. While I was thus afflicted with the
-fears of
n1y
.own
damnation,
there
were
two
things would make
me
wonder, the one was
when
I
f~w
old People hunting after
1
the
things of this life, as
if
they
Ihould
live here
always : The
otber
was,
when
I
found
Pro·
felfors much
diftreffed,
and caft down, when
they met with outward lofres; as ofHusband,
Wife,
Child,
&c.
Lord!
thought
1,
what a_–
do
is here
about
fucb
little things
as
thefe
!
What feeking
after
carnal
things
by
fome,
~nd
what
grief
in
others for the
lofs
nf
thetn!
Ifthey fo much labour after, and fpend
fo
tnany
tears for the things
of
this prefent ·
life, how
am
I to be
bemoaned,
pitied
an.d
prayed
for
!
My
Soul is
dying,
my
fot~lis
damning.